Collide
by luvin-benadam
Summary: What happens when Meredith is in a devistating car accident with a potentially happily never after? Derek begins to question his choice between the two women and Meredith has a secret that's going to change his life forever
1. Crash

Meredith Grey looked around the scenery of Seattle Grace Hospital, the large trees, gardens and pretty bushes all designed to distract you from the real reason you were here, to maybe give you a second of peace and calm before entering the building where both God and Satan resided. It seemed strange to Meredith that in one building, there could be such a wide variety of humanity that both life, and death, occurred here. It was a strange place, hospitals. As she stared around the lawn, taking in the people running from the rain in which she was rather enjoying, a sudden thought struck her. She was playing God. Maybe people that were supposed to die she ended up saving, and people that were supposed to live slipped through her grasp before she could help them, before their time had come. How come millions of people all over the world were being charged with murder, and here they were, doctors, holding both life and death in their hands, and hardly ever being second guessed when something went wrong, when the patients heart stopped beating and their life came to an end?

She brushed a stray piece of wet, sticky hair from her eyes and went about her thoughts, watching contently as ambulances came and went, delivering their patients and moving on. It sometimes strained her to move on, to not get emotionally attached to the people in which they trusted in her with their lives, to carry on about her day without giving them so much as a second thought. But that was what she was trained to do. To treat her patients one by one, diagnosing them, treating them, then moving on to the next one. If they died ... well, then they died. Get over it.

But for Meredith it wasn't that simple sometimes. A lot of the time actually. How could you not feel for a six-year old girl with a brain tumor given only three months to live? This was Meredith's newest case, forced to work with Dr. Derek Shepherd. It was hard not to get attached to the little girl who always had a smile on her innocent features, despite the fact that she only had a few little wisps of auburn hair left on her head, dark circles under her bright blue eyes, and skin that hung loosely to her every rib.

Meredith stubbornly pushed the thoughts of the little girl behind, getting up from her spot on the bench, her eyes fully adjusted to the three a.m. darkness. She had been off shift for an hour and yet, despite the fact that she knew she should be at home getting all the rest she could, she had decided to sit on the cold, hard bench, letting the hard Seattle rain soak her from head to toe. Solemnly she walked down the front walk of the main entrance to the hospital, slowly making her way to her car.

"Meredith!" she heard a voice cry from somewhere behind her. She slowly wheeled around, not all that curious about who was wanting her attention despite the fact that Izzie, Cristina, George and Alex had all left until morning. But by the time she had turned around, the person who had called out her name was one of the last she had expected. He had finally caught up to her and they stood there, face to face, the rain dripping off both their noses.

"I thought you left an hour ago?" Derek Shepherd said, running the backside of his hand along the tip of his nose to rid it off the raindrops.

"I ... I did," Meredith tumbled out, wondering where this conversation was going and why he was talking to her. It didn't seem to be leading to the only case they shared.

"Then why are you still out here? You're soaked," he said, trying to hide the concern he felt.

Meredith looked down to her jeans and sweater, both of which were sodden with rain. "Ya. I guess I am," she said simply.

"Why are you still here?" he asked again.

"What does it matter to you?" Meredith asked coldly, turning away and continuing her walk to her car. But he followed and persisted, much to Meredith's dismay.

"Meredith just because I chose Addison," he said, taking a slight pause, "Doesn't mean that I stopped caring for you. I was just wondering why you were still out here if your shift ended an hour ago. A simple concern and I thought I might check it out," he finished.

"Well you didn't have to. I can take care of myself," she said, her voice filled with bitter resentment. But through her mutinous tone he could hear the hurt and pain that she had masked.

"Are you alright?" he asked, picking up his pace to keep up with her increasingly brisk walking.

"I'm fine. Now if you don't mind I need to get home. I have to be back here in," she lifted up her left wrist and glanced at her watch, "two hours. Goodnight Dr. Shepherd."

She made her tone final, decisive, and he got the idea that she wanted to be left alone.

"Goodnight Dr Grey," he concluded with an equally professional tone. With a turn on his heel, Derek walked back towards Seattle Grace, stopping behind a giant oak tree a safe distance away to make sure that she got safely into her car and drove off. No matter what she believed, Derek Shepherd would always have a place in his heart for Meredith Grey.

XXXXXXXXXX

Meredith drove rather hastily down one of Seattle's busiest streets, her tears clouding over her eyes, the rain making it even harder to see through the windshield. The hazy colour of green could be seen blurrily about where the streetlight should have been and Meredith ploughed on, driving her car through the intersection. There was a sickening crunch of metal hitting metal and Meredith was whipped sideways from her seat, the impact of the car hitting right beside her causing severe damage from the seatbelt to her ribs; the second round of whiplash causing her head to jerk forward, and in a blinding white light, her head smashed through the windshield.

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek was sincerely looking forward to going home, crawling into his bed, and leaving behind all the drama of the hospital, at least until his return the next morning. But as he headed towards the parking lot where his vehicle lay waiting, his pager went off. He sighed and tilted his back in frustration before plunging his hand deep into his pocket and pulling it out. 911 from Webber. Derek sighed, inwardly cursing the small, black box that prevented him from going home and headed reluctantly back inside, walking hastily to Webber's office.

"You rang?" he asked, walking into the chief's office who was bustling about distractedly.

"Yes, Shepherd I did. I know that you're off duty but I really need you here. Car accident off Huntington Way. Twenty-five year old female broadsided by a drunk-driver who ran a red light. Three fracture ribs, definite internal bleeding and, here's where you come in, massive trauma to the head. It went through the front windshield. Seatbelt stopped the body from following. She's probably going to need immediate surgery. I have Bailey on it and she's called in all her interns. She's in prep room four. I'll book OR 2 just in case." he finished in a huff.

"Well what are you waiting for?" the chief asked, wondering why Derek was still standing there, "She's not gonna fix herself," he called through his office door to Derek's retreating back.

XXXXXXXXXX

Miranda Bailey stood over the battered body of one of her interns, wondering how on earth his could of happened to the girl who's whole future had been at her fingertips. Not originally knowing that it was Grey who had been involved in the collision, Bailey had called in all her interns, hoping that they could get some extremely valuable experience from this case. But now as she stood over the young woman who's face bore no signs of trauma but who's lower torso was un-imaginably bruised and who's back of the head bore a hole the size of a tennis ball, she regretted calling in her interns who would have to see their peer, their co-worker, and above all else their friend, in such a condition. As she began to ponder what their reactions might be, her thought were interrupted by four of her interns walking in.

"Meredith never came home and we don't know where she is," George said, walking into the room but not taking a second to look at the patient along with everyone else. "Hopefully she got the page."

"I think I can guarantee that Grey won't be coming in tonight," Bailey said, a somber expression on her features. She moved slightly to the side so she was no longer blocking the view of Meredith's face. Izzie gasped.

"That's not ... that's not," she stuttered, not wanting to accept the fact that it was, indeed, Meredith laying in the bed. "No way," she sadly whispered. Izzie walked over to her bed, pulling up a stool and sitting down, looking into Meredith's expressionless face that simply looked as though she was sleeping. The rest of the interns all gathered around, simply not wanting to believe that one of their own had fallen, that they were not, as many seemed to believe, immortal and untouchable.

"What's everyone standing around for?" a voice asked from the doorway of the room, commenting on the fact that they were all standing there, staring into Meredith's face. "We've got lives to save. Webber said this patient had extreme head trauma and we need to get a move on," he continued, not seeming to notice that all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. Bailey was the first to respond.

"Nu uh," she said, moving from her spot by Meredith's bed and over to Shepherd, placing her hands on both his shoulders and pushing him gently from the room. "We'll get another neurosurgeon. You can't be on this case."

But he held his ground and refused to be pushed out of the room. "What's going on here guys? Why can't I tend to my patient?"

"Because this isn't just any patient," Alex said, causing Izzie to give him a quick slap on the arm.

It had finally clicked to Derek that it had something to do with the patient and nothing to do with his doctoring skills. "Where's Meredith?" he asked slowly, rather dreading the answer but not actually letting the possibility that she was his patient to register through his mind.

The interns that were blocking Dr Shepherd's view moved aside and he took a step forward, looking for the first time into the face of the patient that he had gotten the distinct impression from Webber that she wasn't going to make it. Derek felt all the slack from his jaw vanish and the floor seemed to have slipped out from under him as he stared into the gentle face of Meredith Grey.


	2. Blood Work

"Come on Shepherd," Bailey said, pushing Derek from the room. "We'll get someone else to do it. Webber won't make you do it. He obviously didn't know who it was when he asked. Let's go!" she said, pushing him silently and gently from the room and into the hall where he stopped altogether. The only sign that he was even awake was that he was blinking.

"That's not her Bailey. It's not. I can't be." It was clear that he was in denial.

"Come on, let's go get you some coffee," she said, pushing his back down the hall to the cafeteria. She sat him down in an empty chair and walked away, grabbing two cups to coffee and heading back to the table. She pushed a steaming cup towards him. He wrapped his hands around it but didn't bring it to his lips.

"Are you alright Derek?" she asked.

For the first time since seeing Meredith he actually seemed to have his full attention focused on something.

"No. How did this happen?"

"Apparently she was driving home and was broad-sided by an oncoming drunk driver. Severe damage to her ribs, internal bleeding and head trauma."

"No I know how it happened, Webber explained it to me. But how did it happen to _her. _I talked to her just before she left. She was fine. And then the next thing I know I'm being called back into the hospital and all the sudden she's in a bed, a patient."

"Derek I know this must be hard but you don't have to be her surgeon. We can bring someone else in. I have other interns doing all her blood work so that her friends don't have to. You don't have to either," Bailey said. Apparently there was more to her than the Nazi.

"No. I need to do it. I need to be the one who does it. I don't trust anyone else."

'But how do you think she would feel about that Shepherd? And your wife. You performing brain surgery on your ex-mistress? Kinda strange don't you think?"

"She's more than just my ex-mistress Bailey. I ... I was in love with her. Those feelings don't just go away when your wife shows up out of the blue," he replied smartly.

"Well we should have her blood work back in about twenty minutes. That'll determine exactly what our next step will be. She might not even need the surgery," she said optimistically.

Shepherd gave her a look that stated his skepticism. She just smiled. "Why don't you go spend some time with her. I'll go talk to Webber and inform him about what's going on. I'll give my interns things to do. You can have some alone time with her," Bailey said.

"I can't do that," Derek replied quietly. "I can't see her like that."

"When she wakes up Shepherd, and I say when, not if, she's gonna want someone there with her. She's gonna want a friendly face beside her to let her know that she's not alone."

"Me? A friendly face? I ruined her life. I broke her heart. I'm probably the reason she had an accident anyways. I tried talking to her just before she left and she basically told me to screw off."

"Shut that hole in your face and go and see her Shepherd. That's an order," Bailey said, back to her usual Nazi ways. And without so much as a backward glance, she walked away, hoping that Derek would take her advice.

Half and hour later Derek stood outside her empty room, debating on whether or not to go in. He had believed in what Bailey had told him but he also didn't know if he could bring himself to see her like that. After ten minutes of waiting, his better half won out and he walked in, pulling up the stool Izzie had been sitting on before and sat down, not daring to touch her for fear of the tears that were waiting behind his eyes. She looked so calm, so peaceful, so at ease, that Derek considered leaving. He didn't want to be the one to disturb her from her slumber, even though her waking up would have been the best thing for her condition. So instead he just sat there, watching as her chest rose and fell gently with each staggering breath she took, staring into her face which looked completely normal except for the fact that it was a little paler than usual and a deep cut running from the top of her ear to just past her temple which had been bandaged over. A light knock came to the door and Derek looked up. Bailey was waiting to be invited in, glad that he had decided to take her advice.

"Come on in," Derek said quietly.

She walked briskly over to the bed and sat down opposite Derek. That's when he noticed the piece of paper in her hand.

"Are those her blood results?" Shepherd asked, looking back from the paper and into Meredith's face.

"Ya," said Bailey.

"Well what do they say?"

"Dunno. Haven't opened them yet," Bailey said.

But what neither of them seemed to notice though they were both staring at her face, was that Meredith Grey was beginning to awake from her sleep but, hearing voices, had kept her eyes shut tight so she could listen in on what Bailey and Shepherd were saying.

"Well what are you waiting for? Open them!" Shepherd said, raising his voice slightly but lowering it once again.

Bailey gave him a look that told him never to tell her what to do again and he gave her a guilty smile. She stared him hard in the face before looking down to the envelope in her hands and slitting it open, pulling out another piece of paper from within. Meredith waited expectantly for the results, careful not to get caught awake.

It was silent while Bailey read over the results before sharing them. She shook her head and clucked her tongue.

"Well..." Derek said, leaning slightly over Meredith's legs.

Bailey put the paper down in her lap and looked up at Derek who was waiting with bated breath.

"What do the results say?" he asked.

Bailey waited another second, heightening the tension. "Well there was nothing out of the ordinary. She was dead sober, no drugs, no nothing."

"And this is helpful how...?" Derek persisted.

"There doesn't seem to be any bleeding other than the one we know about in her abdomen. Her brain scan isn't back yet."

"Ok..." he said, still pressing. "Is that it?"

Bailey looked down at Meredith's sheets, clearly hiding something.

"Bailey you better start talking," Derek said, trying to sound threatening but ending up sounding like a plead.

In the bed, Meredith held her breath. She had been waiting for this. And as Bailey started talking, she slightly cringed.

"She has elevated levels of estrogen in her blood," she said, giving Derek a minute to mull over exactly what it was she was telling him. "She was..."

But Derek interrupted her. "Pregnant."


	3. Flat Line

Derek didn't move, his eyes fixed unfocused on Meredith's face. She was pregnant.

"How far along was she?" he asked quietly, still not moving his eyes from her face.

"Looks about eight weeks," Bailey said, placing her hand on top of one of Derek's, which was resting on Meredith's leg.

Derek didn't say anything. He feared that if he did, everything he had eaten in the past day would make its way back to the surface.

"Did you say _was _pregnant?" Derek asked, finally looking up into Bailey's face. Her hand had still not moved from his.

"Derek..." she said soothingly.

"Don't sugar-coat this for me Miranda. Tell it to me as it is. Honestly," he said. "I need to know."

Bailey just shook her head, a sad, somber expression on her face.

"Look at this Shepherd," she said, tugging gently on Meredith's gown and pulling it up until her stomach, which was slightly bumped, was showing. Derek looked down. All across her abdomen were severe bruises, purple and black with damage.

"Do you really think a baby could survive this?" she asked, her voice laced with concern.

Derek could feel the tears burning behind his eyes and Meredith, who was still lying awake in the bed, flinched to hear him sniffle. He was crying.

"But lucky for you," Bailey persisted, causing Derek to look back up into her face, his tear stained eyes clouded over with grief. "It did."

"What," he asked, his voice cracking with emotion that he had been trying to hold in.

"The baby is still alive. But only just. I would be surprised if Meredith is allowed to leave this hospital bed until that baby is born if she wants it to live. Look, the chances aren't good. The baby has sustained extraordinary damage; it's a miracle that it's still alive. But it is," Bailey finished.

Meredith could hold her emotion in no longer. She, like the father of her child, had though that the baby had been lost. And to hear that it had not was just too much to bear while pretending to be asleep. She opened her eyes, trying her best to hold onto the tears, which were waiting to be pored over. She sniffled and let one tear escape; but only one. But Derek had looked up to her face at the sound and saw the lone tear making its way down her rosy cheek. His insides burned with the guilt of having done this to her. To have, in his eyes, bee the reason she had been involved in the crash, to have made her kept this awful secret all to herself. If only he hadn't chosen Addison. Then Meredith would have told him and he would have chosen her. Or at least have had an excuse to tell Addison.

"We're you awake for that Grey?" Bailey asked Meredith, snapping Derek out of his reverie.

She simply nodded.

"Alright. Well I'll leave the two of you here alone. Grey you know where the panic button is if he gets on your nerves," she said with a smile, backed out of the room and closed the door behind her.

Derek didn't know what to say, had no words of consolation. So he simply allowed his thoughts to slip back into his mind. Why hadn't Meredith told him? Surely at two months she would have known that she was pregnant. Then why not tell him? He had only chosen Addison a couple of weeks ago and she had surely known by then. If only she had told him. Then he would have chosen her. So why didn't she tell him?

Derek knew that Meredith could see him for the person he really was. The kind, loving, humble doctor who always tried to do the right thing. That's why it didn't make sense for her not to tell him. And then it struck him like a sharp bolt of lightening. She wanted him to love _her. _She didn't want him to choose her because she was having his baby. She wanted him to choose her over Addison, to love her because of who she was and not because he felt burdened to. The guilt roared up inside of him again and he finally opened his eyes and looked into her face. She looked exhausted. Like she had just been in a car crash, which was to be expected he guessed. Her eyes were closed, one hand resting protectively over her stomach.

"I'm sorry." It was all that he could get out. All that he could manage to say. He was in so much pain right now. How was he supposed to take away hers? Not knowing what else to do, he picked up the hand that wasn't on her stomach, intertwining his fingers with hers. She didn't say a word.

Thinking that he already knew the answer, Derek asked, "Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was soft and caring. It wasn't a demand it was a plea. It was tearing Meredith apart trying to hold in her emotions. But she stood strong and did just that.

"I wanted you to choose me because you loved me," not because you felt like it was the right thing to do," she said, confirming his suspicions. He was still at a loss for words.

"I'm sorry," he said again. Meredith shut her eyes tight as though trying to shut out the pain the world kept throwing in her face. Her mother had altizimhers and cancer, then her boyfriend dumps her for his wife while she's pregnant with his child, then she gets into a car accident and learns that her baby may not make it. Derek felt like it was all his fault, which, in a way, was correct. But Meredith would never purposely make him feel that kind of guilt, even though he was feeling it already.

"What can I do for you? Can I get you anything?" he asked quietly, rubbing his thumb over her cold knuckles.

"I'm fine," she said stubbornly. Of course she wasn't, but Derek Shepherd was the last person she would turn to for comfort.

"No you're not," he said, equally as stubbornly. "Mer." he let the rest of his sentence hang in the air, giving her a look that clearly showed all of his emotions.

"Derek you've done enough, really," she said, pulling her hand away from his, too afraid that if she let him in it would be all the more harder to let him go again.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, his voice raising slightly.

"Just...leave," she said, looking down to her swollen stomach. "Please." It was a whisper, a plea. It broke his heart to see her in so much pain when all he wanted to do was take it away.

"Meredith," he began. But she gave him a cold, hard look, her delicate features pulled into a hard glare. But beneath her tough exterior, Derek could yet again see the emotions she had hid in her eyes. They really were the windows to her soul, or her emotions at the least. He sighed, admitting defeat, and left the room, walking down the hall, the sound of his shoes echoing off the walls. As he rounded the first corner, Bailey passed him. She grabbed his arm and pulled him back so they were facing each other.

"How'd it go?" she asked sincerely.

Derek merely gave her a look that stated all she needed to know and walked away, leaving a sad but understanding Bailey behind. Thinking that maybe Meredith could do with some company, she headed down the hall that Derek had been walking away from and into Meredith's room. She had changed positions, her back now facing the door, her knees slightly curled up to her chest.

"Grey?" Bailey asked, walking in and pulling up the same stool she had been sitting on before. She placed a motherly hand on her back but Meredith continued to stare out the window, feigning interest in a bird trying unsuccessfully to pull a piece of old lettuce from the gutter.

"You ok?" she asked. Meredith turned around to face her.

"No," she answered truthfully. "We got in an argument...Sort of."

"Anything I can do?"

"You can give me a hug," Meredith said, slowly letting her tears leak out of her eyes. Bailey leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Meredith, feeling her interns arms go around her clasp together at her back. Miranda held Meredith's head to her shoulder, letting her cry onto her scrubs. Five minutes later when her tears had run dry, Meredith let go and straightened herself up, wiping the back of her hand over her eyes to rid them of the tears.

"You wanna know something Grey?" Bailey asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Meredith gave her a curious look, signaling to Bailey to continue.

"Were both going to be mothers," she said with a sly smile before backing out of the room and running straight into Derek who was clearly waiting for her to finish talking to Meredith. Bailey and Shepherd just stood there looking at each other, both waiting for the other to say something.

"You can go in and see her you know," Bailey said.

"No. She's made it perfectly clear that she wants nothing to do with me. And I can't blame her. She's better off without me."

"She's carrying your baby Shepherd," Bailey said sternly.

Derek just ran a tired hand through his hair and sighed deeply.

"Can we just go get some coffee?" Derek asked sadly.

Bailey took pity on him and nodded her head yes. They headed off down the hall but before they could take two steps toward the cafeteria, the lights and alarms of a code blue went off, snapping them from their break and immediately switching them back into doctor mode.

"All available doctors to room 219 immediately. Code blue," a voice over the intercom sounded.

Shepherd and Bailey looked at each other, 219 was only two steps away. Derek ran first and stopped suddenly outside the door of 219 where a woman lay flat lining in her bed. Bailey pushed past Derek and ran into the room, Derek following her but not helping save the girls life. She wasn't just any woman, no that she was not. There she lay, her heart monitor showing no signs of life, her face pale and lifeless, Meredith Grey.


	4. One Heartbeat Or Two?

Derek watched helplessly as Miranda started to perform CPR on Meredith, compressing her chest and letting go, trying to squeeze one last breath of air into her lungs. She was joined by doctor after doctor until Meredith was obscured from his view. Snapping out of his reverie, Derek pushed people aside until he was standing beside her bed. As he had said before, he trusted no one else when it came to her life. He gently pushed Bailey's hands aside and started to perform the CPR himself.

"Get me the paddles," he half-yelled. A doctor rushed him the sole defribulator, the only possible thing that might have saved her life and he waited for the go-ahead.

"All clear," said the nurse who was monitoring her vitals.

Derek placed the paddles to her chest and pressed the button, a sharp bolt of electricity rocketing through her limp body.

"Again," he said. Around him, doctors exchanged looks of skepticism but obeyed.

"Clear," the nurse said again.

He pressed the red button again, her body jumping with the volt. But still, no signs of life appeared on the heart monitor.

"Crank it up. Top notch," he said.

"Shepherd the baby!" one of the doctors said.

"Do it!" Derek yelled, causing some of the doctors to jump back in shock from his aggressiveness.

The doctor cranked it up to the highest level and Derek, not thinking about anything but bringing her back, pressed the button once again, her body shaking as he forced the un-natural electricity through her veins.

"Shepherd its no use. She's gone," one of the doctors from behind him said sadly.

"No! Not it's not," he said to the crowd. "Meredith don't give up on me now!" he said to her. "One last time."

He was aware of the doctors around him shaking their heads in disagreement but he didn't care. He would stop at nothing to get her back.

"Please!" he pleaded. Out of pity, and only pity, the vitals nurse said, "All clear." one last time.

Derek pressed the button and closed his eyes, hoping at praying like he had never done before that it had worked. It seemed like minutes to Derek as he stood there with his eyes closed, the dead paddles still resting on Meredith's chest. He took the silence as a bad thing and started to let out his tears. He had now lost the woman he was in love with, and his unborn baby.

"We've got a pulse. It's weak but its there," the vitals nurse said again.

Derek's head snapped up fro his chest and he looked to the heart monitor which, sure enough, had a weak but steady line going up and down as her heart struggled to pump blood through her veins. The doctors left the room seeing as there was no more need for them until it was only Bailey, Shepherd, and Meredith in the room. Derek sank down onto the stool beside her bed, resting his head on her slightly protruding stomach.

"Good job Shepherd," Bailey said, placing her hand on his shoulder from above. "You kept going when everyone else had given up. She owes you her life."

"No she doesn't. I owe her mine. She's carrying my baby. The one thing Addison could never give me. And now it's even better because I'd much rather prefer to have a child with Meredith than with Addison," Derek said. He looked up into her face which still had a slightly scared expression on it.

"What? She's fine. Her heart is beating, she's breathing on her own. What's wrong?"

"Shepherd the baby."

"What about it?"

"You're a doctor. You should no what happens to life inside a person when you electrocute it back to life."

Derek was silent for a second as he contemplated what she had said.

"You don't think...?" he asked sadly.

Bailey nodded her head in a disappointed way. "I' sorry Shepherd but I don't think a baby of only two months could have survived two hundred watts of electricity."

She walked over to the heart monitor and attached a cord to Meredith's stomach, waiting for a reply to see if the baby still had a heartbeat.

"Two heart beats if the baby is still alive, one if she lost it." Bailey said.

"Well? One heart beat or two?"


	5. Don't Know What You've Got Till Its Gone

Sorry I made you guys wait so long. I've had a lot of other homework and I'm writing a few other stories as well. Anyways, enjoy! and also, thanks to Coldplay for the help with this. I used the lyrics from Fix You to give it a good effect. I recommend listening to it as you read this; it heightens the effect. Lol. Oh ya and the italics are the song lyrics.

" 60 and 180. We've got two heartbeats here Shepherd," Bailey said, looking up from her interns stomach and into the eyes of the man who loved her.

Derek let out a sigh of relief, his lungs finally able to take in the air he needed to survive. "So the baby's still alive?"

"Yep. It's a lucky day for you today Shepherd. And Meredith," she replied, tapping the heart monitor to her stomach so they could monitor the baby.

"Can I have a second with her?" he asked, wiping his sweaty palms on the legs of his scrubs, trying to hide just how scared he had been. It seemed strange to him that, only hours ago, he had found out that he was going to be a father and, in that short period of time, he had already grown attached to it; was already terrified that something would happen to his child.

"Sure," Bailey said, giving Derek a last smile and heading out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Derek turned his attention to the woman lying on the bed below him, her face pale and clammy, her eyes closed but moving slightly beneath her eyelids. He placed his hand on her cold cheek, running his knuckles down the side of her face. Her eyes opened slowly and took in the scene around her: Derek sitting beside her, his hand still on her cheek, two heart monitors each keeping track of someone's life, no one else in the room but them. Derek watched as her eyes settled on the heart monitors, one keeping her pulse, the other her child's.

"I guess the baby's ok," was all she could manage.

Derek didn't know what to say. He felt completely helpless.

_When you try your best but you don't succeed, when you get what you want but not what you need, when you feel so tired but you can't sleep, stuck in reverse._

"Ya. You flat-lined but we brought you back. Both of you."

_When the tears come streaming down your face, when you loose something you can't replace, when you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse?_

"We? Somehow I think you meant you," Meredith said, the tears building a wall behind her eyes.

Derek didn't move. He didn't smile. He just sat there staring at her.

_Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you. _

"You're right," he said, looking away from her face for the first time in awhile and diverting his eyes to his lap. "Everyone else had given up. I refused. I knew you had more fight in you that they thought. So I kept trying to bring you back."

It was Meredith's turn for silence. "Thank you," was all she could manage.

_High up above or down below, when you're to in love to let it go, if you never try you'll never know, just what you're worth. _

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. About the baby," she said, now looking away from his face and to her blanket. "I was scared."

"I know," Derek said, finally moving his hand from her face and to her hand. He wrapped her fingers around hers, grasping onto them for support for them both.

"It's ok. I don't blame you."

_Lights will guide you home, and ignite you bones, and I will try to fix you. _

"Why not? I didn't tell you about the only child you have. I kept a major secret from you. How could you not be mad?" she asked, looking back into his face.

"I am mad. But not at you. At myself. I'm mad at myself because I made you feel like you couldn't trust me, like you had to keep this from me."

"Derek I don't blame you. And you shouldn't either."

_Tears stream down your face, when you loose something you cannot replace, tears stream down your face, and I ..._

"But I do."

They were both silent for a minute, staring into the faces of those they had lost.

"Derek we're having a child together. It doesn't matter anymore that I didn't tell you. All that matters is this baby. And I can raise it on my own. I don't need any help. I have Izzie and George at the house and Christina will always help out too. You can go back to Addison and if you want, tell her that the baby isn't even yours. It really doesn't concern me."

_Tears stream down on your face, I promise you I will learn from the mistakes, tears stream down your face and I..._

He stared at her, completely confused as to what she was saying.

"Huh?" he said.

"You didn't wanna be with me before," she started to explain, "So why would you wanna be with me now, other than the baby. This is part of the reason I didn't tell you before. I really don't expect anything from you Derek. If you want to be in your kid's life, then fine. But honestly, I don't expect a thing from you. Go to Addison and tell her that the baby isn't yours. That way you can go on with your life."

_Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you._

"Meredith you know me better than that," he protested. "Do you really think that I'm just gonna leave you to raise our kid alone?" he asked, a little hurt that the idea had even crossed her mind.

She looked guiltily to the ground.

"Meredith I'm gonna be in that kids life every second of every day. No child of mine is gonna grow up with a father. And honestly I'm insulted that you even thought that I would do such a thing. I'm not going to lie to Addison. In fact, I'm not even gonna stay with her. This is the perfect excuse to get her out of my life."

"Oh so is that what our baby is; an excuse to get rid of your wife? You know what Derek, just leave. I said it before, we don't need you," Meredith said coldly and turned her back to him.

Now he was really confused. He thought that she would have been overjoyed in hearing that he was now choosing her, that he had finally come to his senses and realized that he never loved Addison the way he loved her. But apparently not.

"What? Meredith I just choose you. I want to be with you and out baby. Why are you angry with me?"

She turned and faced him, her features no longer innocent and vulnerable. They were tough, hard and glaring. "Because you choose me for the one reason I didn't want you to choose me. If you had never found out about the baby then you would have gone on with your life with Addison. You're only leaving her because I'm pregnant!" she half-yelled.

Derek now understood where she was coming from. She felt like he was using her and he couldn't blame her. Sighing in the realization that she wanted him to leave, he stood up from his chair and walked to the exit, stopping at the doorway and looking back to her bed.

"Did you ever consider that it took this accident for me to realize just how much I cared for you? It's true you know, that you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone."

And without another backward glance, he turned and walked out of the room, regretting his choice of even choosing Addison.


	6. While You Were Sleeping

**hey guys, sorry again for the wait. ok here's what's going on, the ending to this I think is gonna make a lot of Derek/Meredith fans just a _tad _angry. BUT LISTEN! just keep telling yourself at the end of this: this is a der/mer fic! this is a der/mer fic! it'll help you get through what I' planning. and so...just press that pretty little purple review button and the more reviews, the quicker the post! AND REMEMBER: this is a der/mer fic!**

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Meredith hastily pulled on her scrubs, seeing as her clothes were covered in blood, careful to make sure no one was at the door watching. She unattached all the wires from her body, leaving only the IV in, and pulled her hair into a low ponytail. Grabbing slippers from the side of her bed, she slipped them onto her feet and padded silently out of the room, careful not to wake the woman with whom she was sharing. Meredith walked down the corridor, attracting some curious glances from the nurses at the nursing station but payed them no attention. The smell of coffee wafted down the hall in a taunting way, making her want it all the more because she couldn't have it. In all honesty, she had no idea where she was going. All she knew was that she needed to get out of that room, to walk around, to be able to use her legs again. To see Derek ...

_"No,"_ she thought to herself, _"You can't keep thinking about him. He's with Addison. Yes, you're carrying his child, but all the same he's with his wife."_

She hoped that, if she just kept telling herself over and over again that he no longer loved her and that he was married to Addison, then eventually she would believe it. But she was wrong. Every time she told herself that he didn't love her, it was like snapping off a piece of her heart. But eventually, she kept telling herself, that once all the chunks of her heart were torn out, she would no longer feel the pain of rejection that kept trying to swallow her whole.

IV stand still in her hand, she proceeded down the hall, trying her best to avoid all her friends and co-workers. Especially Derek. Meredith knew that he had come to visit her every night after his shift while he thought she was sleeping, even though he never said anything about it the morning after. For an hour, at the least, he would sit in the hard chair beside her bed, holding her hand for support. After her brain scan had come back clean and Derek no longer had to opperate on her, he took himself off the case, feeling that it was unethical to be her doctor while she was carrying his baby. But every night while she was sleeping, and only while she was sleeping, he wouldn't come in if she was awake, he would come and sit beside her bed, whispering in her ear that everything was going to be ok. That he was there fo her.

Lost in her thoughts, Meredith ran smack into someone.

"Grey! What are you doing out of bed?" Bailey scolded.

Meredith gave her a guilty smile. "I needed out of that room. I was going insane," she pleaded.

Bailey gave her an unsympathetic smile. "Grey do you want that baby to make it?" she asked.

It was a retorical question and Meredith knew it, but she answered it anyways. "Of course. It's just, laying in bed like a vegetable isn't gonna help at all. I was beginning to forget what it felt like to walk!" Meredith said.

"You're supposed to be on bed rest," Bailey said, concern peeking through her scolding.

"I know, I know," Meredith said, turning around so she was facing the direction she came from.

"However," Bailey said. Meredith whipped back around. "I have the results from the bloodwork we did on the baby and I don't see why we can't walk while I tell you about them."

Meredith flashed her a grateful smile but her enthusiam quickly turned to worry. "Everything's ok right? The baby's still fine?"

"Relax Grey. You and the baby are both doing fine. I also have the results of the baby's sex. If you want to know."

Meredith contiued to walk, contemplating on whether or not she should find out her baby's sex. On the one hand, it would be easier for her to prepare. She could get the room decorated and buy all the clothes she needed, less work to do for after the baby was born. But on the other hand, she loved surprises and would have no problem waiting to find out if she knew there was someone who was going to help to care of the baby with her after it was born.

Even though Derek had insisted over and over again that he was going to be there for his baby, Meredith knew that _something _was going to come between that. That _something_ wentby the name of Addison Shepherd. Derek had still not told her and despite his proclamations that he _was _going to tell her sooner or later, Meredith had her doubts.

"Alright. Tell me," Meredith said polietely.

"You sure you wanna know?" Bailey asked sincerely.

"Yes."

"Ok. Congratulations Grey. You're having a little baby girl," Bailey said, turning to Meredith with a smile on her face. But Meredith's face was expressionless.

"Grey? Did you hear me?" Bailey asked, slightly impatiently.

"Oh my god. I'm having a baby girl?" Meredith asked, the news finally sinking in.

"Yes you are. You're going to be a great mother Meredith. You really are," Bailey encouraged.

A full-blown smile finally broke out on her face. she was glowing. Radiant. But suddenly her smile fell and her turned to Bailey, very serious.

"There's something I need to tell you. And I need you to promise that you won't tell Derek until after," Meredith said.

"Tell him what after when?" Bailey asked.

"I'm leaving," Meredith said sadly.

"What do you mean you're leaving?"

"I mean I'm leaving. I'm leaving Seattle Grace, I'm leaving Seattle. I'm going to Boston. I've already asked Webber and he agreed to transfer me. Izzie, George, Christina and Alex all know. And I know that Derek said he was gonna help me take care of our baby but I just know that Addison is gonna get between that. She didn't even want Derek to see me, how do you think she's gonna feel about the fact that we share a child together. It would have been different if he had just told her but he hasn't. I need to leave," Meredith finished in a huff. It had been a lot to say in twenty seconds.

Bailey was silent. "You're sure this is what you want Grey?" she asked.

"It's what I need. What my daughter needs."

Bailey nodded. "When do you leave?"

"Tonight."

XXXXXXXXXX

Meredith walked around her house, stuffing a couple last minute things into the suitcases she had packed earlier. Izzie and George just stood around, completely at a loss for what to do.

"Are you sure that we can stay here while you're gone?" Izzie asked, a sad expression on her face.

"Of course," Meredith said, standing back up and looking into the sad faces of her friends. "You guys have lived here for awhile now. This is just as much your home as it is mine. And the last thing I want is a derelict house in my name. I would much rather have you guys living here and looking after it then having it rot away," Meredith said.

Izzie suddenly ran over to her and threw her arms around her in a hug, Meredith hugging her gratefully back.

"I'm gonna miss you guys," Meredith said.

"Us too," George said, moving in for a hug as well.

After George had carried her bags out to the waiting taxi and final goodbyes had been said from Alex, Christina and Burke who had all shown up, Meredith waved goodbye to her friends, to her home, and overall, to her life.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Have you seen Meredith?" Derek asked, walking into Webber's office and sitting down in a chair across from him. "I went to go and see her but she wasn't in her room. And as far as I know she wasn't released."

"She didn't tell you?" Webber asked, looking up from his paperwork and into the eyes of the man who loved the woman that was like a daughter to him.

"Tell me what?" Derek said, concern apparent in his voice.

"She left," Webber answered simply.

"Oh she was released. When?"

"She wasn't released Derek. She left. She asked to be transfered."

"What! Transfered?" Derek proclaimed, "To where?"

"Boston General."

Derek felt the slack in his jaw loosen again. She was gone. She left to the other side of the country with their baby without even telling him.

"When does she leave?" Derek asked, his body half out of his seat.

Webber pulled up his left sleeve and looked at his watch.

"Two hours ago."


	7. Truth

ohhh! sorry about the confusion guys. A reviewer posted saying that they were wondering why Meredith was taking a taxi while she was being transfered hospitals. But what I meant by that is that she was released from the hospital but asked for her internship to be transfered to Boston, not as a patient. Sorry about the confusion! and also, sorry about the wait! I was seeing how many reviews I could get. But enough with the torture! On with the story:

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Running through airports in chase of someone who you are desperate not to leave is so cliche. Seriously, haven't any of these people heard of security? Nevertheless, Derek knew that nomatter what, he nedded to go after Meredith. Being smarter than all those dumbasses who seem to think that airports are the perfect place for chasing down those you love, he drove hastily to the airport to buy the next ticket out for Boston.

"What do you mean the next flight doesn't leave for four hours!" Derek yelled angrily at the clerk.

"I'm sorry sir but the flight that leaves in half-an-hour is booked. I can put you on a waiting list if you like," she said calmly. Derek suspected that she delt with a lot of angry people in her line of work and he admired how well she was dealing with him.

"Here," Derek said, digging in his pocket for his wallet, "I'm willing to pay you this much extra," he said, slapping a bill down on the counter.

"Sir, are you trying to bribe me with a one dollar bill?" she asked, a hint of a smile playing on her lips. But he found this extremely unfunny. He looked down at the bill and sure enough, the face of the president was staring back at him. He had thought that it had been a hundred in his wallet, not a one.

_'Addison must have took it,'_he thought bitterly to himself. "Well it was worth a shot," he said, more to himself than the clerk. "What are the chances of getting on the flight if I go on the waiting list?" he asked, trying to keep his patience in tow.

"Well there's only one other man on the list but he didn't bribe me with a dollar bill. Your chances are seemingly lucky," she flirtatiously joked. But he didn't smile. Just gave her a menacing glare that wiped the smirk off her face.

"There's really no way to tell. You'll just have to play your chances," she said, her voice professional once again.

Derek nodded his head, defeat weighing over him like a mountain. It really wasn't all that important that he got to her right away, it wasn't as if she was in any kind of trouble. He just desperatly needed to see her, to know why she left; though he had his suspicions. He tippid his head in a sorrowful thanks to her for her useless help and started to walk away.

"Wait!" she said. He turned back around abruptly. Her square face had an expression of agrivation on it, as if what she was about to do she was doing against her better judgement. "There's one seat left on the flight. Someone just cancelled. Technically I'm supposed to give it to the man who was here before you but ..." she let the rest of her sentence trail off. But it didn't matter to Derek. He didn't care how or why he was getting on that flight, just that he was getting on. He ran back over to the counter and leaned over, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. She beamed, clearly glad that she had made the decision and Derek now understood. She liked him.

Ticket now in hand, Derek ran hell-bent to the gate and got on the flight, finding his seat on the plane and settleing down. All around him, he noticed people with bags upon bags and looked regrettfully into his lap. He had been so overwhelmed with trying to get to Meredith as soon as possible that he had drove back to his house, shoved all the clothes from his drawers into two small bags, then drove to the airport. All his common sense had been completely washed away. He sat on the chair, trying to think of what his future held. Whether it was going to be with his child or whether Meredith was going to kick him out of both their lives and he would spend the rest of his wondering what his daughter and her mother were doing at that exact moment.

Yes, he knew that he was having a daughter. Webber had told him as he was running out the door of his office, causing him to tepmorarily turn back around in surprise.

_"What?"_ he had asked.

_"You heard me. Meredith's having a baby girl. Bailey told her this morning,"_ Webber had said as one commenting on the weather.

_"And nobody thought to tell me?"_ Shepherd asked. _"It is afterall my baby."_

_"Sorry Derek. Meredith made it perfectly clear to all of us that she didn't want you to know. We had to respect that."_

_"You mean everyone knew but me?"_ he had asked, the hurt cradeled in his voice.

_"I'm sorry Derek. But she had trusted us with that information and we gave her our word."_

Before Webber could say another word, Shepherd high-tailed out of there and went to his house where he packed his bags. And as he sat on his seat of the plane, he realized that he had no idea where she would be. Sure, they had had a relationship, but not a lot of ... humhum communication, had gone on. Ya, he knew things about her, but did he really know the important things when it came to them? As he questioned himself and everything he had considered their relationship, the more he understood why she had run off. She wasn't running away from her problems, she was solving them, at least for two out of the three parties. She was providing a good life for her daughter, no matter how much it hurt her and how much she didn't want to. And as much as she wanted for her baby to grow up with a father, she'd rather have her with no father than a father that always dissapoints her and lets her down.

As much as Derek tried to convince himself that he would never let his daughter down, he knew that in some way or another, he would. After all, he was a neurosurgeon. An amazing, high-ranked, highly demanded doctor who had an obligation to his patients. Although he had an obligation to his child as well, she wasn't dying and in need for life saving surgery, or so he would tell himself as he he hesitantly left her with her mother telling her 'I told you so's."

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek walked around the airport for twenty minutes, trying to figure out a plan. Finally setteling for a chair, he sat himself down, resting his elbows on his knees and putting his face in his hands. He took deep, steading breaths, trying to calm his nerves and figure out where she would have gone.

_'Her cellphone," _he thought suddenly to himself. He pulled his own out of his pocket and turned it on. He hit speed dial one and listened as it rung.

"Hello?" Her voice hit him like a ton of bricks. It sounded tired and worn, like she had spent days awake with only coffee to keep her eyes open. He could picture her on the other end, her hair tied back in a low ponytail wearing sweats and a baggy t-shirt, slumped in a comfy chair, her eyes closed in exhaustion.

"Hello?" she asked again, her voice this time a little impatient.

Derek finally found his voice, "Meredith," he said quietly into the mouthpiece.

"Hmm...an hour later than I guessed," she said, her statement puzzeling him.

"What?"

"I guessed that it would be three hours after I got off the plane that you would call. It's been four," she said, her tone cold and bitter.

"Why did you leave?" he asked quietly, not bothering to tell her that he was sitting in a chair in Logan Airport, tracing her call as they spoke.

"You know why, and it's better off this way," she said, a false confidant finality in her voice as she hung up.

Once Derek was sure she was off the line, he spoke. "Did you get that Tom?" he asked his old detective friend. It was so good to be owed favours.

"Ya Derek I got it," he said as he read Derek the address from the computer screen infront of him.

"Thanks a lot Tom. I owe you one."

"Consider it even. I hope everything works out for you man," he said sincerely from the other side of the line.

"Ya, me too," Derek said back.

He hung up the phone, the address from the trace clutched tightly in his hand. In all honesty, he had no clue where he was going. Finding a map in the gift shop, he bought it then walked out to the car rental shop.

XXXXXXXXXX

Twenty minutes later he pulled up outside a fairly nice looking apartment building. It was on the corner of Pearle Street, across the street from a Starbucks and library, a little clinic just down the street.

Derek walked over to the intercom, taking a second to look at the listings. There were none listed under Grey, but Shepherd noticed that there was one empty slot where a name used to be. He traced his finger along the line till it came to the number 208. Opening the door and finding no elevator, he walked up the stairs to the fourth floor, finding apartment number 208 and momentarily leaing against the door, trying to gain all the composure he could muster.

After five minutes, he raised his fist, poised to knock. But for some reason his wrist was frozen. It refused to move. Taking another minute, he finally knocked and listened as light footsteps padded on the other side of the door. It opened to its full extent revealing Meredith in the almost complete opposite of what Derek had imagined. She was standing in tight jeans and a soft wool sweater, her hair falling gently into her face. She was leaning against the frame of the door, her head restingly tiredly against the wood. She didn't look all to suprised to see him there.

"Meredith," he said again, finding no other words in his repetoir.

"Derek," she replied smoothly, placing a protective hand absentmindedly on her stomach.

"How did you find me?" she asked, getting right to the point. He could see that the usual colour in her face was gone and she looked vaguely the colour of sour milk. He also couldn't help but notice that she was slightly swaying as she spoke and was having trouble focusing. At first he wondered if she had been drinking but the realized that she would never do something as stupid as that.

"I traced your call," he answered honestly. There was no point lying to her.

"Of course you did," she said, taking her hand off her stomach and letting it fall loosely to her side.

"What do you want?"

"You already know the answer to that."

"I told you Derek, my daughter and I don't need you. Go back to your wife," she said as she started to close the door in his face. But he threw his hand out and stopped it from closing. She dropped her attempt to lock him out and opened the door widely again.

Derek could see that her tears were clouded over by grief and were brimming with tears. "Hey," he said gently and took a step towards her, extending his hand to wipe away her tears.

"Don't touch me!" she yelled angrily as she swatted away his hand.

He took a tiny step backwards but still close enough to stop the door if she attempted to close it on him again. Derek watched as she swayed more heavily now. Her hand moved once again to her stomach and Shepherd saw her convulse. She took a small step backwards as he took a step forwards and closed her eyes.

"What is it? Is it the baby? Are you ok?" he asked, his voice cracking with emotion.

She nodded her head but didn't open her eyes. And as he took another little step towards her, her knees gave out from under her and she started to crumple to the floor. But he was too quick for that. His arms instinctivly went out and caught her before she could reach the floor and as Derek pulled her into the safety of his chest, he could see that the tears were making their way freely down her pale cheeks. He held her close and led her into her apartment, closing the door behind them and finding the couch, placing her on it and sitting down beside her frail body.

He got up again, finding the kitchen and a box filled with glasses. Unwrapping the newspaper from one of them, he filled it up with water and brought it back to her. She took it gratefully and tipped it to her lips, the cool water a welcome to her dry throat. When her pallet was moist once again, she placed the empty glass down on the coffee table and turned to look at him.

"Are you alright?" he asked, placing a warm hand on her shoulder, the heat fro his palm radiating through her sweater.

"Fine. Just stress," she said.

"You should get checked out. Just in case."

"Derek I'm a doctor. I think I know when I'm sick or something's wrong," she said, turning to look at him and giving him a hard glare.

"I'm sorry," he replied truthfully, not intending on insulting her doctoring skills. "Let me help you with the baby. After all, it is mine too."

"Actually," she said, her voice hard and menacing, not at all vulnerable and soft like he had heard before. "The baby might not even be yours."


	8. Innocence

**Ok I _did_ post earlier today but since you guys are so loyal and I have some time on my hands, I'm gonna post another chapter for you! Enjoy!**

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Derek looked into her blue-gray eyes, trying to find the lie he knew was in there somewhere. She was hurt and was lashing out, trying to hurt him the way he had hurt her. And he couldn't blame her. He watched intently as the lie showed itself: she placed her head in her lap, her fingers intertwined behind her neck, breathing slow and staggered from under her curtain of hair.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that," she said, tilting her head sideways so she could see his face. It was covered in fear. "Of course it's not true," she said quickly yet honestly. The fear dispersed, replaced immediately with relief.

"Why would you say that?" he asked quietly. She had scared the living daylights out of him.

"I'm sorry," she said equally as quietly. "I was mad at you. I just wanted you to feel pain. And judging by the look on your face I did just that," she said, finding it impossible to keep a small grin off her face. He grinned a little back at her, though not enough to say that he was no longer upset. Both the smiles fell from their faces and they slipped into an uncomfortable silence.

"What are you doing here?" he said finally. "In Boston, in this apartment. Without me," he said.

This time she didn't look into his face. She simply removed her head from her lap and leant back so she was leaning against the back of the couch.

"You're married. And I'm your pregnant mistress. Those two things don't really go hand in hand," she said logically.

"Meredith you know that you were more than just my mistress. We had something special."

"And that's why I left."

"What? What's why you left," he asked, confused at what she was saying. It felt like she was speaking in riddles today.

"Past tense."

"I ... I don't follow."

"You said we _had _something. Past tense meaning we don't have it anymore."

"Meredith come on! You're going to cut me out of our daughter's life because I used bad grammar? You're smarter than that! And I know that you don't want out daughter to grow up without a father the way you did. So why would you put her through that knowing what the end result is going to be!" Derek asked, his voice starting off as a whisper but ending up a heightened plea. "I know that you're angry at me but don't make our daughter suffer for it. This is our mistake, not hers. I want her to come into this world as innocent as she is right now. I don't want to burden her with this.

"Meredith don't you understand! This is going to be my only shot at having a child. Addison and I, not only can we _not _have kids, but we would be the worse parents ever! I think that Addison likes the title of a mother more than she would like motherhood itself. Out poor kid would grow up alone, both its parents at work all the time. I don't wanna do that to any child of mine. At least having a baby with you I know that the baby's gonna having at least one parent who'll always be there for it. And two if the mother lets up," he added with a slight smirk.

But she didn't smile back. "Derek it's not like I don't want you in her life. It's just that I don't want to make the wrong choice. And I know that maybe cutting you out of her life wasn't the best possible choice for all three of us. But I want you to know that from now on, everything I do I do because of her. She comes first no matter what. And you ay not respect some of the decisions I make when it comes to her but ..."

She let the rest of her sentence hang in the air. But Derek didn't need her to finish; he had gotten the gist of it. And as they sat there in silence, he watched as she completely broke down. Her head went back into her hands as she started to cry. At first Derek was taken aback but then he regained his composure and comforted her.

"Mer hey," he said soothingly. His hands on either side of her torso, he arched her back so her wasn't staring into her lap and was now looking into his face.

"It's gonna be ok. I promise. This is all going to work out," he said. But she continued to sob. He pulled her into his chest so her head was resting on his shoulder, her tears dripping onto his shirt. "We're gonna do this. Together. And we're gonna do it right."


	9. Regrets

Meredith pulled away and wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her soft wool sweater. She sniffled, biting her tongue to fight the tears that were still attempting to flow down her cheeks. Derek raised his thumb and brushed a trail of the tears away, tucking a stray piece of wavy hair behind her ear. Meredith didn't pull away from his touch.

"Are you ok?" he asked, his voice filled to the brim with concern.

"I think you should leave," she said quietly, looking down to her lap.

"What?"

Meredith looked up from her legs and into his face, her voice far more strong and confidant than she felt. "You need to leave. My apartment, Boston, our daughter and me. You need to go back to Seattle and Addison, God knows she's wondering where you are," Meredith said, standing up, grabbing her empty water glass, and walking into the kitchen. Derek hesitated before following.

"Were you listening to me!" he asked, extremely agitated. "Were you listening to anything I just told you! All about how we were going to raise her together! Did none of that register?" he asked, his voice raising considerably, causing Meredith to take a step back in shock, her face worried, chin trembling.

He took a deep sigh, realizing that he had scared her and hating himself for doing so. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, filling the gap that she had made by stepping back. He reached out his arms in an attempt to wrap her in them but she pushed them away and took another step back.

"Don't touch me," she said, her voice a tense whisper.

Derek could feel his own tears burning behind his eyes, fighting their way to the surface. He fought them off, refusing to show her a weakness. "Meredith don't do this," he said.

"Do what Derek? Exactly what you did to me! Hurts doesn't it!" she yelled, picking up her water glass and hurling it to the floor. It shattered in a million pieces at her bare feet. Shepherd jumped back in surprise and looked at the floor where the crystal shards lay, Meredith's feet wriggling to avoid the glass. He took a step towards her and she tensed as he approached.

"Relax. You can't walk in here, you're not wearing shoes. I'm just going to carry you back to the couch," he replied calmly. Her eyes popped wide in fright but she nodded, looking as though she was doing it against her better judgment. He stepped over the glass with his shoes and walked over to her, placing one hand on her upper thigh and the other under her arms, lifting her gently up and carrying her over the glass and to couch. With great care, he placed her down on the cushion and left back to the kitchen, attempting to clean up.

"Meredith where's your broom?" he yelled as he sifted through the boxes.

"I put it in the broom closet already," Meredith yelled back.

Derek stepped over the glass again and walked over to the broom closet, opening it and taking out the broom and dustpan. He cleaned up the glass and dumped it out the window, seeing as there was no garbage can. He put the broom away and walked back into the living room, wiping his hands together to rid them of the dirt as he sat back down.

"Thanks," Meredith said.

"No problem," Shepherd replied. He didn't bother to ask her why she had thrown the glass, he already knew.

"Did I get you?" she asked sincerely.

Derek lifted his hands and flipped them over, looking for cuts. "Nope. It seems you missed. One question: were you aiming for me or just throwing it?" Derek asked, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. She lightly grinned back.

"Maybe a bit of both," Meredith said. It was the truth, she hadn't intended to do either, she looked down and the glass was in her hand, then all the sudden it wasn't. The two of them both smirked.

"Umm..." Derek didn't know whether to bring up the subject or not. It could possibly lead to a sore spot.

"You can say it," Meredith said genuinely.

"Have you chosen any names?" he asked, looking down into his lap and hoping she wouldn't hit him.

"I have some ideas in mind. But nothing is set in stone yet."

Derek looked up in surprise. Whatever he had been expecting, it certainly wasn't that. "Really?" he asked. "What are they?"

Meredith looked hesitant. "You really want to know?"

"Wouldn't have asked if I didn't."

Meredith smiled. "Ok. Well I really like the name Olivia. One of my best friends growing up was named Olivia and ..." she sniffled. "And she died when we were nine. Me, her and her little brother were all playing at the river and Thomas, her brother, fell in. She jumped in after him to save him and died doing it," Meredith said. She hung her head in remorse.

"Hey," Derek said soothingly, moving closer towards her and placing a hand gingerly on her shoulder. "It's not your fault that that little girl died. She died a hero."

"No she didn't. Thomas died too. I tried going into the water to save them but it was no use, the currents were too strong. One of my biggest regrets in life is not being strong enough to help them!" she sobbed.

Derek moved closer to her and let her cry onto his shoulder. A minute later when she had regained her composure, she pulled away, wiping her eyes on her tears again.

"I love it," he told her.

"What?"

"The name. Olivia. I think it's perfect for our daughter."

"You do?" she asked, a little taken aback.

"Ya of course. I can't imagine her as anything else actually," he answered truthfully.

Meredith grinned from ear to ear.

"Since we're speaking of regrets, want to hear mine?" he asked.

"No not really but you're going to tell me anyways. So go ahead."

Derek laughed. She knew him too well. "Now don't take this as a ... as a, well I don't know how you're going to take it but my greatest regret in life," he took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He was sure she was going to see this as a last, desperate attempt to keep him in Olivia's life. "Is leaving you for Addison."


	10. Six Days

sorry about the wait guys. I had a review that said that it was getting a little too emotional and I agree. We all know that emotions are a little messy and I think I need to get in some angst in.

XXXXXXXXXX 

It had been six days. Six days since she had asked him to leave; and he had obliged. He didn't know what had made him do it. Perhaps it was the numerous amount of things she had broken in her anger at him, or the desperate tone she had used after insulting him relentlessly. If she hadn't been pregnant, Derek would have thought she was drunk based on her actions.

He missed her face, her smell, the cute little grin she used to give him. Addison paled in comparrison he realised when he got home. After being able to hold Meredith in his arms, after being the one she ran to for comfort again, Derek knew that Addison just simply wasn't Meredith, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't force himself to love her when his mind and heart were still with the woman in Boston.

"_Oh Derek cut the drama will you! I'm sick and tired of hearing all this bull!"_ Meredith had said after his confession. She had yelled and screamed, throwing two more glasses at his head and not bothering to appologise when one shattered on inpact with his elbow. Not that he blamed her. When the tirade was over and she was sitting calmly on the couch, she had asked him to leave. It was a command, nor was it a question. It was a plea.

His heart broke to see her so torn, so distraught. Fearing the health of her and the baby with all the stress, he kissed her forehead, grabbed his suitcase which was still sitting by the door, and left. Addison had given him the third degree when he had gotten home, jumping up from her spot on the couch and yelling angrily at him from across the room. And then he had asked her to leave. She looked at him, a confuzed expression on her face.

_"You went to see her didn't you? You went to Boston?"_ she had asked.

_"You know she's in Boston?"_

_'Of course. I went to ask Webber if she could scrub in for a surgery with me and he told me. Didn't tell me why though,"_

_"She's pregnant." _Derek had said quiely, looking down to his mud stained shoes. The usual Seattle rain had turned the dirt to mud outside his trailor. _"And it's my baby."_

Addison had looked at him in awe, her delicate features turned into an unmistakable scowl. She desperatly tried to see through the lie, to find the truth she believed was hidden somewhere in his pools of eyes. But she hadn't found it. It was then that it dawned on her; Derek was going to be a father, and Meredith was the one carrying his child.

The reality had hit her like a frieght train, knocking from her feet and the tracks. She sat down on the couch, her head resting in her hands.

_"Then why is she in Boston if she's having your baby Derek?"_ Addison had asked, looking up from the ground and into his face which held no emotion.

_"Because she doesn't want me to be in their lives. But Addy you gotta understand," _he had said, sitting down next to her on the couch and placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. _"This is my baby and there's no way I'm gonna sit back and let Meredith raise our daughter on her own. And let's face it, you and I are over. We were over before we even began. Besides, I can tell you hate it here. Now you can go back to New York, back to your life, your friends, your practice."_

_"And you can live happily ever after with Meredith," _she had said, her voice dripping with venom. But Derek had noticed that there was a hint of understanding hidden beneath the hate. _"Is this what you really want? Is me leaving going to make you happy?"_

Derek contemplated the question. He knew the answer was yes, and even though he no longer loved Addison, he still didn't want to hurt her. _"Yes."_

Addison had looked up into his face, a sad but understanding expression on her face. _"Alright then. I'll leave,"_ she had said. She brushed piece of red hair from her eyes before getting up. _"I'll be gone in a couple of hours."_

That had been three days ago. Addison was back in New York and still Meredith was avoiding his calls. Message after message he had left.

_"Meredith it's Derek. Please stop screening my calls. I have something really important to tell you. Call me back."_ He had left at least a dozen of them, none of them stating that Addison had left that they were now officially divorced. No, that he was waiting to tell her in person, or at least when she was on the other end of the phone. But she had point blank ignored them, all of them. Or so he believed.

XXXXXXXXXX 

Meredith told the taxi driver to stop and quickly paid him, desperate to get out of the manic drivers car. She walked up to the door and debated on whether to knock or to go right in. She decided that, since it was still her house, that she would go right in. She pulled open the door and stepped into the lobby. Listening, she could hear Izzie in the kitchen moving around pots and pans.

"George did you get those lemons I needed? Hurry up will you. Those lemons aren't going to squeeze themselves," Izzie yelled. Meredith quietly laughed. Nothing had changed. She walked silently down the hall and into the kitchen. Izzie's back was to her and Meredith could see the beginning of lemon chicken in front of her.

"Sorry Izzie but they don't sell lemons at the airport," Meredith said. Izzie whipped around at the sound of her voice.

"Ohmigod Mer," she said. She ran around the island and threw her arms around her friend. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in Boston!"

"And you're supposed to be taking care of my house," Meredith laughed, looking around her bombshell of a kitchen.

"Sorry about that. Me and George are having a bunch of people from the hospital over tonight. What are you doing back?"

"I live here do I not?"

"So you're moving back?" Izzie asked, a smile plastered on her face.

Meredith nodded. "I'm back."


	11. I Love You

Ok guys I'm back! Soory about the wait. Here's the much anticipated new chapter! Enjoy and press the lovely little purple button in return for my hard work! Lol.

READ THIS BEFORE READING THE STORY: ok I need your help. After reviewing old shows, I realized that Olivia was also the name of the girl Alex and George slept with. SO I was just wondering ... should I keep the name, or change it to Maddison? Whichever name gets the most votes I'll use.

Thanks guys!

XXXXXXXXXX 

Meredith sat on the bed in her room, staring over the array of clothes scattered over her floor. She wasn't sure which would still fit her. True, she hadn't gained much weight during her pregnancy, but the little bit of stomach she had was still enough to prevent her from wearing some of her favourite clothes. She could hear Izzie running frantically around downstairs, trying to prepare the dinner for the insane amount of people she had invited over. She laughed to herself, remembering all the good times she had had with Izzie and George.

The thought of seeing Derek right now made her sick to her stomach, but then again it could have been the morning sickness. All she wanted to do was curl up under her blankets and sleep the day away. But since that wasn't a possibility, she would have to settle for seeing all the people she had left behind. Including Derek.

Meredith understood why she had invited him over but detested her for doing it at the same time. _"Meredith you should see him!_" Izzie had explained after she told her why Derek had been invited. _"He works and then goes home. Nothing inbetween. He refuses to talk and work with Addison, never smiles! Nothing! And it's all because of you. Not that I blame you. I only invited him because I thought he needed to get out of his trailor!"_

Meredith had sighed in understanding and told Izzie it was ok before heading up to her bedroom and attempting to find something to wear. She sat on her bed, drumming her fingers on the sidetable, eyes scanning over the same clothes she had been looking at for the past twenty minutes. A knock sounded from the other side of the door and she jumped in shock.

"Meredith, it's me," Izzie's whispered voice sounded.

Meredith breathed another sigh of relief and opened the door for her friend. "He's here," was the first thing she said.

Sure enough, the sound of Derek's voice carried up the stairs and into the ears of the woman who loved him more than anything. "Ok," Meredith replied. "Don't tell him I'm here. Just give me a couple minutes to find something to wear."

Izzie nodded and closed the door as she left the room, leaving Meredith to contemplate her dilema of what to wear. Digging through the mountain of clothes, she came to a pair of darkwash jeans and slipped them on, still left to find a top. Something shiny caught her eye and she pulled, a long gold sequined belt disentangling itself from the clothes and coming to a rest in her hand. She slipped it through the belt loops on her jeans and continued to prod through the pile.

A soft cotton touched her hand and she pulled, a black top revealing itself. She straightened it out and looked at it. It was a simple black tubetop, tight in all the right places, and accentuated her perfectly. She pulled her 'Dartmouth' top off and slipped the shirt on, standing in front of the mirror and admiring her reflection. The shirt gave you just enough to have a taste but always left you wanting more.

Under her bed where a pair of gold heels that she hadn't worn in the longest time. Figuring that they would match her belt, she slipped them onto her feet took a deep breath before walking to the door and easing it open. Sounds of the party below floated up the halls and the delicious smell of whatever Izzie was cooking reached her nose and making her mouth water.

She took each step as it came to her, carefully placing what little weight she had on her heels. By the time she reached the middle of the stairs, the voices had gone quiet. In the living room, Izzie, George, Christina, Derek, Burke, and Bailey were all looking up. She didn't make eye contact with any of them but simply looked straight ahead, brushing a strand of her wavy hair that was falling down her back out of her eyes. When she reached the bottom, she turned and faced them, flashing them a small grin.

"Meredith," Derek sputtered, running a hand through his hair and taking a tenative step towards her.

She didn't say anything but continued to smile. "Derek," she replied quietly back.

"What ... what are you doing here?" he asked, neither he nor Meredith aware that everyone was watching them.

"I came back."

"I ... I can see that. But I thought ...?" he turned and looked at all the people behind him who were staring intently. He turned back to Meredith. "Can we talk outside?"

She stared at him without answering for a minute before nodding and leading to way to the front porch. She closed to front door behind them and turned to Derek, her face screaming anger but her eyes betraying her again and showing the hurt.

"I thought you were staying in Boston?" he asked quietly.

"So did I."

Derek made jerking motion as though he thought about taking her hand but decided against it. Meredith smiled and reached out, taking his hand in hers and squeezing his fingers.

"Izzie told me that you and Addison aren't speaking anymore," she smiled slyly.

Derek gave her a sideways smile in return. "That's all she told you?"

Meredith looked at him, a confuzed expression on her face. "What do you mean?'

He grinned like a child with a lollipop and took another step closer to her. "She left."

"Left? What do you mean left?"

"I mean she left. Left Seattle, left Seattle Grace. She went back to New York after I told her that I loved you and that we're having a baby together.

"You what?" Meredith asked. Derek didn't understand why she still looked confused.

"I told her we were having a baby together," Derek said uneasily.

"No not that. The other thing."

Derek's eyes shifted to the left as he thought back to what he had just said. And then it clicked. He was silent for another second as he decided how to word it. "I told her that I love you."

Meredith didn't say anything but clenched his hands tighter. "Say it again," she whispered quietly, taking another step in closing the gap between them.

"I love you."

"Again."

He took the final step seperating them and rested his forehead against hers, bracing up her neck with the palm of his hand. "I love you."

"Again," she said in a hushed whisper.

"Meredith Grey, I love you." She didn't wait an instant before pressing her lips to his, her hands sliding up his chest and coming to a halt at the base of his neck.

When they pulled apart for a breath, their foreheads still resting against the others, Meredith whispered, "I love you too."


	12. Bianca

**READ THIS FIRST:**

Ok guys. Thanks again for all your help. I've decided that the name Maddison is far to much like Addison, along with the majority of you. The tally came in and it looks like Olivia has won, I'll just make it so that Izzie doesn't take offence to it.

I had a review from a girl who's little sister had died about a year ago and suggested I use the name Bianca, after her sister. Since most of you choose the name Olivia, I'm going to keep it as that. But because I feel so awful about the girl that past away, a new character is going to be introduced. She's going to be a four year old brain tumor patient ... named Bianca.

This one's for you Jackie. My deepest sympathy to you and all your family.

XXXXXXXXXX

The sun had gone down long ago, the usual Seattle rain melting it from the sky. The moon had risen in its place, it's milkly white light casting an eerie glow on the buildings of the city. Meredith lay awake in her bed, one hand protectivly on her stomach, the steady rythmetic breathing of Derek lulling her heavy mind. Yet still sleep evaded her. She rolled over onto her other side, turning and facing Derek's sleeping face. She raised her hand and dragged her fingers gently down the side of his cheek, taking in every inch of him she had missed so much. His breathing faltered as he heaved a huge, sleep filled sigh. Meredith traced her fingers beneath his nose, outlining the top of his lip. She moved her finger down so that it was resting on his lip in the motion for silence.

In a sudden movement, he parted his lips and folded them carefully over his teeth so he wouldn't hurt her. Her finger slipped into his mouth in the motion and he clamped his lips down upon it, opening his eyes to see her startled face. She extracted her finger and flicked him in the head, proping herself up on her elbow in surprise.

"You scared me!" she whispered. Derek noticed her hand was trembling but a smile was gracing her face.

He grinned slyly at her and placed his weight on his elbow, raising his face so they were eyes level. "Sorry," he grinned.

Meredith just smiled sweetly. "Can't sleep?" he asked, concern floating in his voice.

"No. I think I'm gonna go downstairs and get some tea," she said, starting to pull the covers off her body. But a hand grasped her wrist in protest and she turned back around, Derek grinning widely at her.

"You don't need tea to sleep. You have me," he said. She stood in limbo for a minute, poised half on the bed. Derek gave her a puppy dog smile that she couldn't resist and she pulled herself back into the bed, turning her back on him and allowing his arm to slip over hers and entangle with her fingers. With his other hand, he ran his fingers through her soft hair, brushing through it and dragging his nails lightly down her back. He noticed the goosebumps that raised on her skin at his touch. When he leaned over her tiny body to peer at her face, her breathing was slow and easy, her eyes closed in a peaceful sleep. He kissed her temple before settling back down, pulling his body closer to her and falling asleep in his favourite place in the world.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Dr Shepherd please report to room 203 immediatly," the voice over the intercom rang throughout the hospital the next morning. He walked down the hall to the room, stopping outside the door and peering sadly inside. His eyes dropped to the case file in his hands, trying to stare through the manilla folder into the file he knew by heart. Plastering a grin on his face, he walked into the room and over to the bed of the little girl.

"Bianca! How's my favourite girl doing today?" he asked perkily.

The little girl looked up from her book and into Derek's eyes. He stared back at her, admiring her adorable red ringlettes crystal blue eyes. "Hi Doctor Shepherd. I'm good. Just reading a book. Have you ever read Andrew's Loose Tooth?" she asked, flashing him one of her award winning smiles.

"Robert Munsch. One of my favourites. Do you like it?" he asked, pulling up a chair and sitting down beside her.

"Yup. Poor Andrew can't get his tooth out. Not even the tooth fairy can do it!" she grinned. Apparently the thought of a little boy with a tooth impossible to remove was highly ammusing.

"And how many teeth have you lost Bianca?" he asked her.

She opened her mouth wide and showed him. "Hum ..." Derek said, looking into her mouth and taking her chin to examine her teeth. "That's funny. I don't see any missing!"

Bianca laughed, her adorable giggle filling the silent room. At the door, Meredith leaned against the frame, watching in admiration the way Derek interacted with the four year old. "_He's going to be an amazing father,"_ she thought to herself as she watched.

"Mommy says that the tooth fairy works in funny ways and that when she needs more teeth she'll come and get mine," she smiled. Derek grinned back.

"You know what?" Derek asked, leaning in as though he was about to tell her a secret.

"What?" Bianca asked, enthraled with the idea of being told a secret.

"Your mommy's right!" Derek whispered.

Meredith stepped into the room and walked over to the bed, stopping beside Derek's chair and placing her hand on the back. "Hi Bianca! How are you?" Meredith asked, using the voice people always seem to use in the presence of little children.

"Hi Doctor Grey. I'm fine," she replied, looking between Derek and Meredith. For a four year old, she was highly perceptive and seemed to be in tune with everything that went on around her. She had already realised that there was something going on between her two doctors, that Meredith was pregnant, and that the lady Dr Shepherd who had been helping on the case before she left should be kept at a distance at all times.

"How's your head today? Any nasty ouches?" Meredith asked, replacing doctor talk with kid language.

"Nope!" Bianca replied in her usual upbeat tone. Meredith and Derek smiled at the little girls attitude.

"Well that's fantastic!" Derek replied. "You ready for your surgery tomorrow?"

Her delicate features dissolved into an unmistakable frown, the corners of her primrose red lips sagging down. But it only made her all the more adorable. Derek hadn't meant to frighten her, only ask if she was prepared. But it was clear that he had scared her.

"Hey, hey. Don't be sad. Remember what you told me earlier?" Derek asked, placing a hand on her tiny shin and squeezing her leg in a comforting way. "What did you tell me?" he asked, trying to get her to talk.

Bianca looked back up into his face, maintaining eye contact and staring at him. Derek noticed that her eyes were shining, but it wasn't with tears or fear. It was bravery. Never before had he seen such courage in a child so young. Not even the adults he opperated on knew such confidence.

"What did you tell me?" Derek prompted, asking her again.

"That you and Dr Grey are the best doctors in the world and that no other doctor could fix me as good as you," she said quietly, never breaking the connection she had with Derek.

"That's right," Derek said. "And what did I promise you Bianca?"

Her eyes dropped to the book in her lap before flitting back up to Derek's face. "That you were gonna make me all better so that I wouldn't have to live in the hospital and that I would be all better," she replied.

Meredith smiled to herself. Even though her face was showered with hesitation, Meredith could see that in her eyes she believed him.

"And do you believe that I can do that?" Derek asked.

This time she didn't hesitate. "Yes," she replied confidantly.

Derek stood up from his chair and dropped a kiss onto the top of her head. "Good, because I never lie. I'll be back in to check on you in a couple of hours. Enjoy your book," he said as he flashed her a comforting smile and backed out of the room.

"I'll be back later ok sweetie?" Meredith asked.

"Ok." Bianca replied back.

Meredith gave her a little tickle and again her heart warming laugh filled the room. Meredith left and walked out into the hall, stopping when she saw Derek leaning against the wall. She turned and faced him. His knees were bent and his elbows were resting against them, his hands holding up his head. When he saw Meredith, he propped himself up and stared into his face.

"You don't think she's going to make it, do it?" she asked rhetorically.

Derek looked emotionless into her face before closing his eyes and hanging his chin to his chest.

xxxxxxxxxx

Alrighty guys! There you are. Just to clarify a few things:

After telling each other the way they really felt, Derek and Meredith went back to the party and Derek spent the night.

Meredith had her internship transfered back to Seattle Grace and is now back working with all the usuals

Bianca was a case that Derek and Addison had origionally shared after Meredith had left but then Addison left and Meredith took over the case

Bianca is a four year old girl with a brain tumor that Derek is going to opperate on

Hope that clears everything up for you! NEXT TIME:

Bianca's surgery ... the results. Will she live?

Derek and Meredith decide on things with the baby, their future, and everything about thier relationship is revealed!

R&R PLEASE

LOVE MEGAN!


	13. Guilt

**Rightyo guys! Just sitting here listening to music at one o'clock in the morning and I decided that I was bored. SO lets write another chapter! Hope you enjoy this as much as I do! AND DONT FORGET TO REVIEW!**

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Guilt. Quite possibly one of the worst emotions you can feel. It seems to swallow you whole, engulfing your very soul and eating you alive. Just the way it bites at your skin, causing goosebumps even when your not cold. It's that shivering feeling when your body quakes uncontrollably and not matter how hard you try you can't get warm. Your hands tremble with the prospect of something being your fault; especially when it's a life that was lost.

On a day to day basis doctors face guilt. But just like the rule about not getting attached, they're taught to push it aside and cast it from their mind. If they did all they could and the patient was still lost, it wasn't their fault, there was nothing they could have done and it was the patients time to go. But it still doesn't stop them from feeling that guilt.

Derek Shepherd was already feeling that unshakable feeling of guilt, and the surgery of Bianca DeMore wasn't for another three hours. He couldn't tell if it was guilt over the pain he had caused Meredith, or the thought of loosing the four year old both he and Dr Grey had become extremely attached to. He sat in the staff lounge, his head resting in his lap, eyes closed to fight off the dizziness. All morning his head had been spinning. Just the thought of lossing Bianca in surgery made his stomach convulse and he could feel that excess of saliva creep up the back of his throat.

He had no idea why he had become so close with her, why all the sudden all he could think about was making sure that she walked out of it ten times better than she was sitting in her bed right now. Maybe it was the fact that he was about to be a father, that Bianca was someones child and she was loved to death. Understanding it was difficult and he often spent hours pondering such questions as he lay in bed beside Meredith.

Maybe it was her innocence. That she was only four years old and her life had just begun. He shook his head and stood up, pooring a batch of coffee into a styrofoam cup and tipping the searing liquid down his throat, not bothering to let it touch his tongue. Content washed over him as the amber liquid settled in his stomach, making him feel more comforted and relaxed.

He sat back down on a chair as Meredith walked into the room. He gave her a lopsided grin and she smirked back at him.

"Feeling better?" she asked as she grabbed a donought and sat in chair beside him.

"Slightly," he replied. "How bout you?" His eyes shifted down to her stomach where her hand rested protectivly.

"Tired," she answered.

He nodded his head in understanding and agreement, reaching across the table and grabbing her hand, giving her fingers a reassuring squeeze. She gave him a rather sad smile.

"What's wrong?" he asked, scooching his chair closer to her and moving his hand from hers to her face. He cupped her cheek, the warmth from his palm radiating onto her skin.

"Nothing," she replied unconvincingly.

"Meredith, don't lie to me."

"I'm not. I was just ... thinking."

"About what? The baby?"

"Ya that. And us. And what our life is going to like with her."

"It's going to be amazing."

"Ya I know. But Derek, we really need to talk about this."

"About what?"

"Our life. Like where we're going to live, and how many hours we're going to cut back on work. Both of us can't be working full time with a baby at home. I don't want our daughter to grow up without knowing her parents," she said, looking down to her lap.

Derek noticed that since she came back from Boston and they were together again, she no longer said 'my daughter'. All the sudden it was 'their daughter'. Derek couldn't help but smile.

"Our daughter isn't going to grow up without knowing her parents. I promise. And as for a place to live, I'm sure you don't want her to grow up under the influence of Izzie and George," he laughed.

Meredith smiled in return. "And I know we can't raise her in my trailer," he continued. "So we'll buy a house together," he finished simply as though he was commenting on the weather.

"What?"

"We'll buy a house."

Shock covered Meredith's face but it quickly turned to an ear to ear grin. "Are you serious?"

"Of course. Olivia needs a place she can call home. Someplace with a big backyard with a swingset and big fluffy grass, and lots of room for the dog to run around. And tons of bedrooms for the rest of her brothers and sisters," he grinned widely.

Meredith couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not. "Don't you think you're jumping the gun?"

Derek gave her a sly smile. "Nope. We need to fill the house full of jumping, screaming kids and barking dogs," he said, moving his chair closer to her and kissing her.

She kissed him back, their lips pressing passionatly into each others. Just then, Bailey walked in.

"Shepherd. Bianca DeMore is ready for you."

XXXXXXXXXX 

**Sorry guys. I know I said that Bianca's surgery would be in this chapter but I ran out of time. My sister Carly and I are a part of a year round volleyball team and we have a tournament in an hour!**

**Review and you'll get more! **

**LOVE MEGAN**


	14. Strange To Find The Calander Your Enemy

**Ok guys! I'm SOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOO SOOOOOO sorry about the wait. I'm such a procrastinator and I just kept putting it off! Anways, I'm pretty sure this is going to be the last chapter! SO SAD! But I think i've dragged it out long enough and I wanna give you some closure. I'll let you know at the end of the chapter whether there'll be more or not. What I might do is in a couple of weeks i'll update again and that chapter will be a future thingy. It'll be like a look into their lives ten years later so something. You'll find out soon enough!**

**Don't forget to review!**

Mornings are mornings, nights are nights. Each have their own distinguishing factors that allow our brains to process what time a day it is. But what happens when those factors become blurred, when the line disapears and all the sudden all life is is one giant whurl of colour and confusion? Insanity, that's what happens.

Bianca's surgery had come and gone and she now lay in the intensive care unit, her bandage hiding the bright red curls Derek and Meredith loved so much. Weeks had gone by and Meredith found it was strange to find the calander her enemy. House hunting had been fun. Exhausting ... but fun. There were so many features in a house that Derek and Meredith were looking for, almost so many that it was going to be impossible to find one that met up with their standards. But above all, the one thing they wanted was for it to be a place for Olivia to call home. Somewhere she would go to seek comfort and refuge, a place of safety, warmth and happy memories.

"Meredith?" George's voice snapped her out of her reverie and she looked into his eager face, looking down at her expectantly. "You ok?"

She smiled at his concern for her well-being and nodded, motioning for him to sit down in the chair next to her.

"How's Bianca doing?" he asked, picking a donought up from the table and raising it to his lips, the powdery sugar falling all over his scrubs. He wiped it away impatiently with the back of his hand as he waited for her reply.

"Pretty good. She's kind of out of it but I think she'll make a great recovery. Derek's watching her like a hawk," she laughed.

George laughed as well, blowing more of the powdered sugar from his lips all over himself and slightly over Meredith. She laughed again and brushed it off. Derek came in the room behind her and dropped a kiss on her cheek, startling her and causing her to jump in shock.

Derek laughed. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," he said as he brushed a stray piece of hair from her eyes and sat down in the chair beside George, reaching across him and grabbing the last donought from the box.

"How's she doing?" Meredith asked, pulling her loose hair into a ponytail at the base of her neck.

"She seems to be good. Catscan just came back ... you might wanna take a look at this." He handed the manilla envelope in his hand to her and she hesitantly took it from him, looking down at it but not opening it. "Go ahead," he encouraged with a smile.

She slit open the fold at the top and pulled the scan out of the folder, holding it up to the light to get a good look at it. Meredith stared at it for a good minute, an expression finally flitting across her face. A heartwarming smile graced her face as she put the paper back in it's case and handed it back to Derek.

"It's clear," she said with a smile.

Derek grinned widely back, taking the envelope from her and placing it on the table beside George. "The surgery was a sucess."

Meredith laughed in extacy and reached across the gap between their two chairs, throwing her arms around Derek's neck in a tight embrace.

"Have you told her parents yet?" she asked, pulling away and looking deep into his eyes. Neither of them noticed George stand up and leave the room with a smile on his face.

"Not yet. Waiting on you for that. Care to come help me?"

Meredith grabbed his hand and stood up from her chair, now noticing that George had left the room. She and Derek exchanged a confuzed look but left the room and walked to Bianca's, quietly opening the door and tiptoeing to the bed. She was sound asleep on her side, tiny hand pressed under her cheek. Her chest rose and fell with every breath she took and they watched as she sighed in her sleep.

Derek and Meredith smiled before turning their attention to Bianca's parents who were sitting on the couch opposite her bed.

"Mr and Ms DeMore?" Meredith questioned, pulling up a chair and sitting down.

"Did the results come in yet?" Mr DeMore asked, looking hesitantly into Meredith's eyes. Derek turned his attention to Ms DeMore who was craddleing their sleeping baby in her arms.

"Yes, they did. I want you to take a look at this," Meredith said, taking the envelope from Derek and sliding the scan out. She held it up to the light and held it in viewing distance of the DeMore's.

"See that?" Meredith asked, poiting her finger to the picture of Bianca's brain.

"No, not really," Ms DeMore answered, squinting her eyes to try and find something that wasn't there.

"Exactly," Meredith replied. "There's nothing there. Your daughter's cancer is gone."

XXXXXXXXXX 

Derek and Meredith stood outside the DeMore room, holding each others hands. The feeling of happiness still floated in their hearts, the feeling of lightness carrying them around. There was nothing better than telling a family that the one they loved was going to make a full recovery and that soon enough they were going to be able to take them home, especially when it involved a little child.

"You did good in there," Derek said, placing a warm hand on Meredith's side.

She smiled back at him. "Thanks. You did good too."

Derek grinned widely at her but his smile quickly turned to a concerned frown when Meredith bent slightly over, her hand resting protetivly on her stomach.

"Meredith? Meredith are you ok?" he asked, his voice spiulling over with anticipation.

"Derek ..." her voice was concerned and scared. "My water just broke."

XXXXXXXXXX 

**ok so that's it for this chapter! There will be annother chapter and then that;ll preobably be the end! SOOO SAD! anwayus... REVIEW!**

**love Megan!**


	15. Gone Away

Well my o-so-loyal readers to whom I've devoted this whole story too … I'm such a bad author! Lol. It's been months since I've updated …I've been suffering form a severe lack of ideas and I had no idea where to go from where I left off. But I figured that I'd gotten this far so I'm totally writing this off the top of my head. Still don't know if this is gonna be the last chapter. Lol. Anyways … sorry and enjoy!

Oh and by the way I recommend listening to a sad song while you read this. It's pretty sad … but misleading. I guess you'll just have to read and find out what the hell I'm blabbering on about.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

It had been too early, the baby wasn't due for another five weeks. She had gone into a panic, her mind instantly going through all of the worst possible scenarios. But Derek had been there, holding her hand as she was wheeled on the gurney to the OR for an emergency c-section. He was there through the whole surgery holding her hand, watching over the sheets as his daughter was brought into the world and rushed to ICU.

She came in at six pounds, four ounces with blue-grey eyes and a head of somewhat curly dark-brown hair. But there had been complications. She was too premature, to little. Her heart had stopped as they were wheeling her down the hall, her small hands, feet and face turning blue. The doctors had panicked. It was bad enough when they lost a baby, but even worse when it was the baby of an ambitious intern with small ineffectual fists and an attending with a high possibility for chief. It just didn't happen.

They had shocked her heart, over and over again, desperate for a pulse. But the effort seemed to be inevitable, some of the doctors given up the second she first crashed. "She's to far gone," one of them had said, stepping back and shaking his head at the amount of futile effort some of the doctors were putting in. But they had persisted, pumping her small veins with every drug that could possibly save her life.

Meredith had been stitched back up and wheeled into her recovery room, Derek still at her side, both unaware that a floor above them their brand new daughter who had not been damaged or neglected yet (not that Derek or Meredith would ever do anything of the sort) was fighting tooth and nail for her life.

By now, more doctors had given up, were standing back and watching at the few who persisted, the few who were so afraid of the repercussions of letting the little girl go that they just kept trying. They shook their head, hung them in sadness until the last doctor gave up. He stood back from the small bed that held the even smaller child.

"Olivia Shepherd …" he gasped for air, forcing the words out of his throat. "Time of death …" he looked up to the clock high on the wall above her bed. "11:23 am." He ran his fingers through his hair, approaching his resident.

"Who's going to tell them?" he asked, fighting the prickling he could feel creeping from his nose up to his eyes, pushing back the tears. He couldn't cry. He couldn't. He wouldn't.

The other man hung his head to his chest, not wanting to be the one to do it. "I'll ask the chief," he said, sniffing back his own tears and leaving the other dishevelled man on his own.

He had found him sitting in his office, a small smile on his face as his eyes darted back and forth over the piece of paper he was reading. "Chief?" the man inquired, waiting at the door to be invited in.

"Dr Campanili, nice to see you. Come on in," Webber said, straightening the hat on his head and gesturing to the chair across from him. "What can I do for you?"

The doctor walked in and sat down on the chair that Webber was pointing to. "Sir it's about the Shepherd baby," he said quietly, head still bent down to his chest.

"Ah of course," Webber said, his smile growing at the mention. "How's she doing? Have Derek and Meredith seen her yet?" he rattled off the questions, making the young doctors head spin. He needed to stop him before he started talking about all the new clothes he had bought for her.

"Sir!" he interrupted. The chief looked taken aback but stopped talking nonetheless and waited patiently for an explanation. "Sir … there were complications," he prompted, beating around the bush. He knew he should have sent one of his bumbling interns to do this.

The look on Webbers face instantly turned from happy to concerned. "What kind of complications?" he asked, tilting his head to one side to stare the doctor down.

"She crashed on the way to her room," he whispered more to himself than the other man.

"And?" Webber prompted. He wished Campanili would just come out and say it already so he could go and bring Olivia to Derek and Meredith.

"We did everything we could sir, but she was too far gone. We shocked her heart, we gave her five ccs of dioxin but she just didn't respond sir. I'm sorry but … we lost her."

Webber had stopped listening at 'we did everything we could'. He knew how the rest of the sentence would go; he had heard it many times before. He shook his head, not wanting to believe what he was being told.

"I think it would be better if Shepherd and Grey heard it from you sir. With all do respect," he said, unaware that his boos had stopped listening long ago.

"Let's get this over with," he said, standing from his seat and following the man out of his office, shaking the tears from his eyes.

XXXXXXXXXX 

He stood outside Meredith's recovery room, Burke, Christina, Izzie, George and Bailey all standing beside him. Only he would go in … and there was a chance he would never come out again after he told them the news. He stood there, his co-workers beside him for emotional support.

"This can't wait any longer," he said, sighing and pushing open the door.

"Twenty bucks says Shepherd rips him limb from limb," Christina said in her usual sarcastic state of mind.

Everyone turned and glared at her.

"What?" she asked, knowing fully well why they were looking at her. "Too soon?"

"Your best friend and the man she loved just lost their daughter," Bailey said, putting her hands on her hips and staring Christina down. "You think it's too soon?"

Christina was silent before saying, "Ya. Too soon."

Webber had walked into the room, stopping beside Meredith's bed with an all-to-serious look on his face.

"Cheer up Chief," Derek said with a huge smile. "Today's a good day."

But Webber remained stony-faced in silence.

"Chief?" Meredith inquired from her spot on her bed. "What's going on? Where's our daughter?" She could feel the panic building like a wall inside her chest.

"Sir?" Shepherd picked up where Meredith left off. "Sir!" he said forcefully, unnerved by his silence.

"I have some bad news," he said and the silence, if possible, thickened.

"Don't you dare procrastinate this," Derek threatened, pointing his finger accusingly at his boss. Webber didn't even bother to push it away or comment.

That was what made Derek and Meredith realize the seriousness of the situation. "Chief?" Meredith pleaded. "Where's Olivia?"

He could hear the tears edging their way into her voice and he decided it was cruel to leave them hanging any longer. "She crashed as they were taking her to ICU," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Derek turned to Meredith and took her hand in his, clutching onto her fingers for support.

"She was too far gone. They did everything they could but …" his voice cracked and he had to stop talking in order to keep from crying.

Derek collapsed into the chair beside Meredith's bed, his hand still in hers.

"I'm so sorry but … she's gone," was all he could manage to say.

_Maybe in another life  
I could find you there  
Pulled away before your time  
I can't deal it's so unfair_

He was lying. He had to be lying. There was no way that after everything they had

been through God was going to punish them once again and take away the one thing that had brought them back together. It just wasn't fair.

"Please tell me this is a joke?" Meredith pleaded, sitting farther up in her bed and straightening her gown. "Please tell me that any second someone is going to walk through that door with my baby," she said, the tears now flowing freely down her cheek.

_And it feels  
And it feels like  
Heaven's so far away  
And it feels  
Yeah it feels like  
The world has grown cold  
Now that you've gone away _

"I wish I could Meredith. I wish more than anything that I could tell you that," Webber said, brushing a stray tear away from his smooth cheek. "But I can't and I'm so, so sorry. Olivia is gone."

_Leaving flowers on your grave  
Show that I still care  
But black roses and Hail Mary's  
Can't bring back what's taken from me_

"You can't do this to us Webber. You just can't," Derek said, his head hanging down on his chest. "You just can't," he repeated. "This isn't happening."

_I reach to the sky  
And call out your name  
And if I could trade  
I would_

And at the same time as though they both shared the same emotional thought lines, the two of them burst out into tears, tears for the loss of the daughter they never got the chance to know, tears for the loss of the daughter they never _would _get to know. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. What had they done to deserve this?"

_And it feels  
And it feels like  
Heaven's so far away  
And it stings  
Yeah it stings now  
The world is so cold  
Now that you've gone away  
Gone away, gone away, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah_

Webber slowly backed out of the room, allowing them to their grief. There was nothing more that he could do for them, even though he wanted more than anything to give them back the one thing they needed more than anything.

_I reach to the sky  
And call out your name  
Oh please let me trade  
I would_

Meredith's head spun and she wondered what she had done to cause this, how this was her fault. The thought that all the stress she had been through during her pregnancy contributed to the death of her daughter made her want to vomit.

_And it feels  
And it feels like  
Heaven's so far away  
And it feels  
Yeah it feels like  
The world has grown cold  
Now that you've gone away  
Gone away, gone away, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah_

Derek felt all the feeling leave his body as he allowed himself to slump farther down in his chair, Meredith's hand still in his. He wanted to take away her pain, wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her that everything was going to be ok. But how could he when he didn't even believe it himself?

Both their breaths came in short gasps and they couldn't help but think what if's.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

Meredith woke with a start from her bed, heart pounding a mile a minute, memories from the past couple of hours flashing through her mind. Gasping for air, she looked to her left where a plastic bassinet lay empty. A small white piece of paper with the exclamation "I'm A Girl" in bright pink letters and the words "Olivia Shepherd" under it in black.

Flashbacks from the dream she had just woken up to passed through her brain and she wiped a bead of cold sweat from her forehead. Meredith looked desperately around the room, trying to find what her mind and heart needed more than anything.

Finally, her eyes fell upon the sight she had been longing for ever since she had been having that awful dream. Derek was standing with her back to her, a long, pink blanket hanging down from the bundle in his arms.

Hearing the sound her of her rustling between the sheets, he spun around, carefully holding the bundle to his chest.

"You're awake," he exclaimed, a wide smile spreading across his face.

"She's ok?" Meredith asked, gesturing to their daughter in his arms. Derek smiled and walked towards her bed, bending down and carefully placing the baby in her arms.

"See for yourself," he said, placing her tiny, sleeping body against her chest. She let out a sob, allowing a couple tears to flow down her cheeks.

"Hey what's wrong?" he asked, perching himself on the side of her bed once Olivia had been untangled from his arms. He ran one of his fingers down his daughters' smooth cheek, transferring it to Meredith's arm that was cradling the baby.

"It's nothing it's just …" she let her sentence trail off, hanging in the air in front of them.

"Just what Mer?" he asked gently, tucking a piece of loose hair behind her ear. "Jesus you're freezing," he said, cupping her cold cheek in his hand. "What's wrong?"

"I just had a really bad dream," she said truthfully.

"About what?" he prompted, not letting her get off that easily.

"My worst fear," she said. "What exactly happened after they took Olivia away?" she asked.

"Tell me about your dream first," he said with a coy smile.

"It's not important. I just dreamt that after they took Olivia away Webber came and told us that she crashed and didn't make it. I kind of panicked," she said, tears starting to fall down her cheeks again.

"Hey, hey, hey," Derek said. "It was just a dream. Take a second and look down," he said.

Her eyes followed his to the bundle in her arms where Olivia lay, very much alive, in the pink blanket.

"See that? See how her chest moves up and down? That means she's breathing which means she's alive," Derek quipped and gave her a sarcastic smile. "I don't care what you dreamt. Olivia is alive and well and she's going to grow up and die one day at the ripe old ago of ninety-nine. Not now. And that I'm promising you. Got it?"

She continued to stare at the tiny little life she had created with the man she loved before turning her gaze to him. "Got it."

"I love you Meredith," he said, putting his hand out and allowing Olivia to grip his finger with her whole hand. "And I love our daughter more than anything. And for the rest of our lives, we're going to be together … as a family. Agreed?"

A huge grin graced her face as he spoke. "Agreed."

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Wow … that's probably the longest chapter yet! I hope you enjoyed cuz THAT'S THE END! BOO HOO! I'm not going to update for quite awhile and when I do it's going to be set quite a few years in the future. I'll have it like when Olivia is 8 or 9 and it'll be a chapter or two long. **

**Thanks for all your support through this story! Don't forget to review!**

**Love, Megan**


	16. The Ending

READ THIS FIRST:

**Some need to know information before you read this chapter: **

**Derek and Meredith are married. They have Olivia, who's now four, and their six month old son Dylan**

Burke and Christina are also married. They have a three and a half year old daughter Avery, a two year old son Miles and their eight month old son Jesse

Denny and Izzie are married. Denny's heart is fixed. They have a one year old daughter Sam and … you have to read the chapter to find out the rest of the sentence! Haha!

George and Callie are engaged!

There you have it. Read on my lovely readers!

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She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, looking wildly around her for her daughter, baby balanced on her hip.

"Olivia!" she called, looking to the baby in her arms who was contentedly sucking on his pacifier. "Olivia!" she called again, panic settling into her gut.

It had been at least five minutes since Meredith had seen the four-year old and for a troublemaker like Olivia, that was more than enough time to cause chaos of some sort.

Relief swept over her as the little girl came bounding across the lawn from somewhere on Derek's massive plot of land, her light brown hair with the curly tips flying behind her as she and Avery raced. Christina appeared beside her, smile latched onto her face as she watched Avery, her oldest, and Olivia race toward their mothers.

From behind, Derek reached over his wife's shoulder and extracted the baby from her arms, seeing Olivia running towards them and knowing it was going to end in a collision. Sure enough, Olivia collided with Meredith's knees, and immediate, "I win!" from her mouth as Avery reached Christina seconds later.

Avery, ever the competitive child she was inevitably going to be, responded with a, "No way! I call a re-match!"

Olivia smiled, more than willing to race again. "Last one to the tree is a broken spleen!" she called, taking off with Avery hot on her heels.

"Not too far girls," Christina yelled to their retreating backs.

"I'll follow them," Burke reassured his wife, leaving in the direction the girls had just left in.

Feeling better now that Preston was watching the two older girls, Christina turned her attention back to her two younger boys. Miles, who had just celebrated his second birthday three months earlier, was sitting happily on the grass, zooming a fire truck up and down his bare leg. Jesse, their other son who was barely eight months, was sitting in his playpen, watching in amusement at his brother who was making zrooming noises with the truck.

Meredith turned to Derek, watching in admiration as he wiped drool from their six-month old son Dylan's chin. From the general direction of where Avery and Olivia had taken off in, a cry, that Meredith and Derek recognised immediately as Olivia's, rang out from somewhere among the trees.

"I'll go," Derek said, holding Dylan out to Meredith who immediately took him into her welcome embrace. She watched Derek until he disappeared within the tress before turning to Christina.

"I swear to God that girl's always in trouble," Meredith said, referring to Olivia who was, indeed, always in trouble.

"Well look at her parents," Christina kidded. "With a mother like you, be thankful it's not the kind of trouble you were always getting into," she said with a smirk and receiving a smack from Meredith on the arm. "Avery's the same," she said, extracting Jesse from his playpen and settling him down in her lap. "It's like she purposely seeks out trouble and involves herself in it, just to piss me off," she said with another smile.

Meredith laughed. "I know what you mean."

She enjoyed these times with her friends and family, she really did. Every Saturday, given that they weren't all working, Meredith and Derek would have everyone over to their house on Derek's land and have a barbeque, giving the kids a chance to run off some of their energy and the adults to have an actual adult conversation that wasn't about medicine or the hospital. Today, they were still waiting for Denny and Izzie with their one-year old daughter Sam who were late, as usual. George and Callie, who were now officially engaged, were both working.

Looking away from Christina and up to where Burke, Derek, Avery and Olivia had taken off to, Meredith caught sight of Derek, walking back across the field with Olivia in his arms, blowing raspberries on her small stomach in an attempt to cheer up her tear-stained face. But as she caught sight of her mother with her little brother in her arms, the sniffles started up again. Derek placed her down on the ground and she made her way over to Meredith, attaching herself to her leg.

"Hey baby," Meredith said, using the hand that wasn't holding Dylan to stroke her fine, light-brown hair.

But Olivia swatted her hand impatiently away which meant that she wasn't that hurt or injured because she only let Meredith play with her hair when she was sad or seriously injured.

"What happened?" Meredith asked Olivia, looking up to Derek and gesturing for him to take Dylan so she could hold her daughter. He moved towards them and picked the baby up with ease, readjusting the blue pacifier that was falling from his mouth. In a swift motion, Meredith picked Olivia up and sat her in her lap, waiting for an answer. When she didn't get one, she asked another question: "Where does it hurt?"

Olivia pointed solemnly to her ankle and Meredith looked down, pulling her daughter's foot into her lap and examining it.

"Hmm," she said thoughtfully. "Looks like a hairline fracture of talus bone. What's our course of action Dr Shepherd?" she asked Olivia who grinned widely at her, loving the little game that was a ritual whenever she got hurt.

"Immediate kiss to make it all better," she replied instantly, a happy grin on her face.

Meredith raised Olivia's ankle gently to her lips and pressed them to it, making a smooching noise and exaggerating it for all it was worth. "Did I get it?" she asked to Olivia's now smiling face.

"Uh huh," Olivia replied, now fully healed. "Thank you Mommy," she said as she extracted herself from 'Dr Mommy's' lap.

"Thank _you _Dr Shepherd," Meredith replied.

With fully restored health, Olivia ran over to Avery who had just returned with her father and dragged her over to the sandbox.

"Man do I wish everything could be fixed with a kiss," Preston said, walking over to Miles and picking his up from the grass. "Come on buddy. Let's go put on some pants!" he said with feigned enthusiasm.

"No, no, no!" Miles cried from his father's arms, fighting tooth and nail to get back to his fire truck.

Burke bent down and picked up the truck, handing it to his son who immediately settled down, running it across his father's chest with the same zrooming noises that were entertaining Jesse earlier.

A giggle from someone small turned all their attention to the side of the house where three new people were making their way towards them. Izzie was walking at the front, diaper bag and casserole dish clutched in her hands with Denny following behind, hand outstretched to Sam who was walking on her own.

"No Daddy!" she said, pushing Denny's hand away. "Me do!"

Everyone laughed at Sam's stubbornness and independence. Meredith pulled herself out of her chair and walked over to Izzie, taking the casserole from her and placing it on the picnic table with the rest of the food. Izzie dropped the diaper bag onto the grass and reached over to Meredith, pulling her into a friendly hug with a, "Where are the girls?"

Through the forest from the direction of the sandbox came the sound of happy screaming voices running towards them as Avery and Olivia came into, something clutched tight in Olivia's grasp.

"Guess that answers my question," Izzie muttered to herself, grabbing Sam from the ground and pulling her into her arms, jamming the hat that she kept throwing off back onto her head for what felt like the fifteenth time.

"Mommy, mommy! Look what we found!" Olivia yelled as her and Avery ran at top speed towards their parents.

"Wacha got there Olivia?" Meredith asked, approached her daughter curiously.

"Look!" Olivia said excitedly, extending towards her mother the object grasped her in her hand.

Catching sigh of what Olivia was holding, Meredith let out a noise of disgust. "Eww sweetie, gross!" Meredith exclaimed, reaching out and taking the dirty old boot from her hands. "Olivia what did Mommy tell you about picking up garbage that you find on the ground?"

Olivia's lips quivered, she hated when her mother got made at her. And even though Meredith wasn't even mad at her, Olivia was the queen of exaggeration. Derek, seeing that the four-year old was about to cry, handed Dylan over to Meredith and scooped Olivia into his arms.

"Aw come on Mer," he said, tickling his daughter's sides in an attempt to make her smile. "You can't blame her for being curious," he said with a coy grin.

Meredith could tell that Olivia was upset and she walked over to her husband and daughter with her son in her arms and dropped a kiss onto her oldest child's head.

"No you're right," she said to her husband, then turning her attention to her daughter. "'Livia baby I'm not mad," she said.

"Really?" Olivia asked back, lips no longer quivering.

"Really," Meredith stated matter-of-factly. "Now why don't you take your brother and go play with Avery and Miles and Jesse and Sam?"

"But Dylan always throws things at me!" Olivia protested.

"Babe please!" Derek pleaded. "Daddy and Mommy need some grownup time!" he begged. Then leaning in to whisper in her ear, said, "We'll raise you're allowance."

Olivia smiled widely, then sighed. Derek and Meredith exchanged a look, knowing she was about to cave.

"Fine," she said, extracting herself from her father's arms and straightening her shirt once she was on her ground, then reaching out for her little brother.

Meredith gently gave Dylan to Olivia, unsure about leaving their six-month old with their chaos-causing four-year old. Dylan went into the arms of his sister, playing with the pacifier in his mouth, then being carried off by Olivia. Derek turned his attention to Meredith after watching Olivia cart Dylan over to Jesse's playpen and set him carefully down inside. For a four-year old, she was especially careful when it came to her little brother.

He put his hand on her hips, pulling her into him. Running his fingers through her soft, lavender scented hair, he pulled her even tighter, mashing his lips onto hers and tasting the strawberry of her lip-gloss. She smiled, lips still upon his. He pulled her even closer, even though there was no space separating them.

A small 'ahem' broke them away from each other and they turned, cheeks resting against the others and smiling guiltily at their guests. Christina was staring at them, a small, disapproving smile crossing her face.

"What?" Derek asked with a smile. "Just because we have kids doesn't mean our sex life becomes non-existent," he laughed.

Everyone burst into laughed and Meredith pulled away, looking to her kids who were sitting contentedly. Olivia was sitting beside Avery, Sam and Miles, all trying to make a noise with a blade of grass following Avery's instructions. But the attempt was futile and Miles through his blade onto the ground in frustration. Dylan was sitting in Jesse's playpen, still sucking on his pacifier and watching Jesse play on his little toy piano. Meredith smiled. She adored just sitting back and watching her kids interact. Remembering that it was time for Dylan's medication, she pulled away form her husband but intertwined their fingers.

"Derek's it's time for Dylan's meds," she said to him, then turning and looking at their son who was still content.

It struck Meredith as odd as how her two kids could be completely and totally different. Olivia was always on the go, always on the move, never stopping to do something for more than five minutes; ten at best. And then there was Dylan. You could sit him down anywhere for hours on end and he would never make a fuss. Only if he was hungry or tired would he cry, and even then it was quiet and reserved.

"I'll do it," Derek said automatically. He hated forcing the discusting medication down his baby's throat but if they ever wanted that cold to go away it was something they had to do. And even though Derek despised force-feeding Dylan the medication, it was precious time he got to spend with him.

Walking away from his wife, he made it to Jesse's playpen and pulled Dylan out, hoisting the little weight he had into his loving arms and carting him inside.

Meredith made her way into the vacant chair beside Christina and Izzie and sat down with a sigh. The other two women turned and looked at her curiously.

"What?" Meredith asked with a confused smile.

"You sighed," Izzie replied.

"Oh," was Meredith's response. "Just tired."

Christina and Izzie nodded their heads before turning their attention back to Burke and Denny who were now chasing the kids around the yard and pretending to be monsters. The girls laughed. From inside the house, Derek emerged with Dylan on his hip. Dylan was smiling, his blue soother out of his mouth for a change.

"Daddy, Daddy!" Olivia called from the yard, still running from Burke who was right behind her. "Come be a monster Daddy!" With a fleeting glance to his son in his arms, Derek took off running after all the kids, Dylan's smile growing even bigger.

"I've got something to tell you guys," Izzie said to Christina and Meredith with a coy grin on her face.

"Ooh what is it?" Christina asked, ever the gossip-queen.

Izzie let the conversation pause, allowing the tension to build up before she released her news.

"Come on Izzie don't leave us hanging!" Meredith pleaded.

Izzie smiled, knowing the agony the suspense was causing her friends. Finally, knowing that they were going to beat the answer out of her if she didn't answer, she told them what they were dying to hear: "I'm pregnant."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Ok and now I need to vent. Was anybody else totally pissed about what a jackass Derek was being to Meredith in the last episode, Damage Case! I mean seriously, he was PISSED OFF! Damn…. Anyways. Now that that's out of my system.

**Thanks you guys so much for everything! You rock!**

**Oh ya and that's the end! For good this time! So sad  Again …You guys rock!**


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